Just a Feeling of Trust
by Guest M
Summary: What do you do when all you have is a feeling, but no memory to back it up with? How do you keep trusting total strangers? What will those strange, but yet not so strange, people do to help you get your memories back? What will happen...if you can't?
1. Chapter 1

_The idea to this story came after watching episode 5.11 Iron Curtain Rising (so a long long time ago...). Most people thought Sam and Callen left Deeks behind, because they didn't think him good enough or something like that. I thought "What if it was to protect him?" That idea made me write about three pages, then more and more and then I somehow found myself with a beginning and an end, lacking the middle part. Well, to be honest, I still do, but I got help. Bee Eh Vee checked and helped with the beginning, filling holes and introducing more logic, and now we are working on the middle. So, have faith and patience, we will get to the end, it is already written, we just need to find our way there..._

 _Anyway, hope you enjoy the journey..._

 **Just a Feeling of Trust**

 **Chapter 1**

"This is going to be a waste of time." Callen spat.

Sam glanced at his partner who stood with arms crossed over his chest, giving the door of the hospital room an evil look.

"We can't be sure, G, and you know it. So move your behind, interview the potential witness and record his statement so we can hear it again, if necessary. I'll be over there", Sam indicated some chairs further down the corridor, "waiting for you."

"My behind? What are you, four?" Callen gave Sam an incredulous look.

Sam just shrugged, grinning. "Right now, partner, you're behaving like you're four."

"He insulted you." Callen fumed. Not that anybody would know seeing him standing there, deceptively calm in front of the door. But Sam knew his partner and could tell just how angry he was.

"You should leave the childish sulking to Deeks, he does it more convincingly." Sam teased. "We should have waited for him." he continued. "Would have been interesting to see what he would have done."

As expected, those comments got through Callen's ire. "I'm sure he would have made some very insane, improbable and witty remark." he stated with a snort. Then he grinned and saw Sam do the same. "He would have driven that guy up the wall." both said unison. The agents lapsed into silence and thought about why the detective wasn't with them.

Deeks had asked Hetty for some hours off this morning to attend the funeral of an old colleague from LAPD. As they had only been catching up on paperwork with no imminent case, Hetty had complied. The Detective was supposed to be back some time after lunch.

Callen and Sam, meanwhile, had worked through the paper mess created by one of their prior cases, crossing T's and dotting I's, still slightly miffed that Deeks had gotten out of that task. Though the partners had to admit a funeral was no fun either. They had secretly assured themselves that the deceased was no one too close to Deeks. The detective was still too brittle after Sidorov. And with Kensi gone on a mission …

To the partners' unhappy surprise they unearthed a potential witness they had overlooked previously. They checked with Hetty who told them to interview the man just to make sure nothing else had gone unnoticed. It turned out the witness was a racist ass and just wouldn't talk with Sam present which led to their standoff in the corridor.

"Well, sadly, our personal trouble maker isn't available right now, which leaves you to do the honors." Sam gestured at the door.

"But he…" Callen tried again.

"Whatever," Sam interrupted, "that guy isn't the first one trying to insult me and he isn't even coming close to doing any harm" the agent scoffed. "So you go and do your thing and I'll

wait. Don't shoot him." with those warning words Sam watched a quite grumpy Callen enter the room.

Shaking his head in wry amusement and admittedly even slight anger, Sam went to the chairs, but remembering a vending machine downstairs, he decided he would buy a snack for G to calm him down. If there was one thing he had learned from Deeks it was that sometimes snacks could do you wonders. The sheer amount of Doughnuts and Twinkies the detective had bought to keep Kensi in a good mood. God, Sam missed her and didn't want to imagine how much more Deeks must do.

Stepping out of the elevator, the agent was greeted by total chaos in the ER. Frightened people rushed towards the exit while others yelled in the background. Recognizing one of the yelling voices he quickly ran closer. _Speaking of the devil_ , thought Sam and wondered what their detective was doing in the hospital. Had something happened at the funeral? Reaching the ER Sam only saw Deeks' back. "Hey, Deeks, what's the matter." he shouted to be heard over the noise.

The blond detective whirled around and the agent suddenly found himself right in front of Deeks' gun. Sam cautiously raised his hands in a placating manner having the distinct feeling that his teammate had no idea where or even who he was. The right side of the detective's face was bruised and swollen, smeared with blood flowing from a gash right below his hairline. The eye beneath was so red it made Sam wince just to look at it.

Deeks was standing hunched over, his right arm pressed against his side as if his ribs hurt, the fingers swollen. The other arm, scraped and bruised, held the weapon in a steady grip, not wavering from his aim although the sudden turn had forced the man to lean with his shoulder against a near wall for support. Sam knew Deeks was right-handed, but he had no doubt that the determined man in front of him would hit where he aimed despite holding the weapon in his left hand. Taking a small step back to ease the pressure on his obviously confused and scared colleague he continued giving Deeks a silent once over, for now ignoring what was going on around them.

The torn black slacks were dirty and through a large gap one could see a blood soaked bandage on the detective's left thigh. He looks like the victim of a hit and run, Sam thought, wondering what had happened that he found himself at the wrong end of his teammate's weapon.

The younger man was taking shallow hectic breaths, his whole body on full defense mode though swaying slightly. "Who are you?" he rasped, licking his lips while positioning himself with his back to the wall so that he could use it as support while keeping an eye on the other people around. The weapon stayed trained on the agent though.

Without missing a beat, although the question somewhat frightened him as he realized something was very wrong, Sam answered "I'm your colleague, Sam Hanna. You're Marty Deeks, detective with LAPD."

"Show me your badge." Deeks' eyes were so cold and Sam couldn't remember ever being right in the center of such a gaze from his colleague. Not even during their dispute before the whole Sidorov mess. Moving slowly and carefully, Sam complied.

"That's no LAPD badge." Deeks growled, "Why are you lying?"

"Deeks, please. Put down the gun before you hurt someone. You wouldn't want that." Sam pleaded instead of answering the question directly, rightly judging the aggressive tone to be only a cover for the underlying panic.

The blond man frowned and looked around again, this time making an effort to really take in what he saw. They were in the middle of the ER. Two police officers, weapons at the ready, stood at the other end of the corridor. They seemed reluctant to come any closer, but more as if they didn't want to crowd Deeks and Sam than out of fear. Deeks blinked as he acknowledged them. Sam was grateful. He shuddered to think what might have happened if they had agitated the detective any further.

Deeks gaze left the officers. On the floor lay a paramedic trying to look as non-threatening as possible though he too didn't seem to be afraid. On the contrary, Sam could see that the first responder itched to come closer to treat the wounds, as he contemplated each of them in rapid succession.

The few doctors and nurses that had not taken the opportunity to flee, on the other hand, stood frozen on the spot in fear, not that anyone could blame them. They had just tried to assess the state of the unconscious man when he came to not only yelling and swinging but waving a gun for good measure. No one knew for sure how he had gotten hold of that. Sam knew; when you worked the cases they did, sliding a holster under your suit at your back for a funeral didn't seem strange or inappropriate. It was a way of life. He thanked God for the fact that Deeks seemed to be the only seriously wounded patient right now. At least they were not interrupting any emergency procedures.

Finally the detective's eyes fell on a little Asian girl. Sam thought her to be no older than five. Her back was pressed against her mother's legs, the head burrowed in the woman's stomach. The girl's body was hidden in the woman's embrace as she tried to shield the child. Deeks swallowed. The mother gave the detective a look full of compassion and fear. Deeks swallowed again.

"Where am I?" he finally asked, not sounding aggressive any more, just frightened.

"You are at Pacific Beach Medical." The same hospital Deeks had been in when a terrorist had tried to lure Kensi out of hiding. Sam winced internally while thinking about that episode. "I don't know what happened, but I'm sure no one here wants to hurt you. Could you give me your weapon?" Sam tried again.

Deeks gave a tiny nod, but didn't move, so Sam carefully got closer and everybody took a deep relieved breath when Deeks allowed the agent to take the gun. His now empty hand immediately went up to his face to try and wipe some of the blood out of his eye with shaking fingers. Sam checked the weapon, put on the safety and stuffed it into his pocket. Not an ideal place for it, but for now it would do.

Sam still didn't touch Deeks but pointedly glanced at his face "That cut looks nasty, probably needs some stitches. And standing on that leg can't be fun either. Why don't you sit down over there and let one of the doctors take a look at you?"

The detective ignored him, his gaze still on the girl who was now talking in a low voice to its mother. "Is she afraid of me? I didn't want to make her afraid." Deeks said with a forlorn voice.

"Yes, she was afraid of you, but I think she'll be okay." A tentative smile and a small wave from said girl proved Sam's words to be true. She was really amazing. "Come on, let's get some weight off your leg." Sam made sure that Deeks could see him reaching for his arm. The paramedic on the floor slowly got up and came closer to help, also making sure to stay in Deeks' line of sight while spreading an air of calm that soothed the agitated detective further.

They all flinched when Sam's phone chimed. The small movement was enough to spike Deeks' pain. He groaned and would have fallen, had the two men not moved in to catch him. Deeks limped badly when they guided him to the bed in the nearest exam room. Deeks had taken to gripping Sam's wrist and did not let go even after they had helped him settle down onto the bed. With an unenthused snort Sam fished for his incessantly ringing phone with his other hand and glanced at the screen. G, no real surprise there. His partner would be wondering where he was.

Sam took the call and started speaking before his partner could utter a word "G, head down to the ER. Call Hetty and ask her to come ASAP. We have a situation here with Deeks."

"Deeks? What's the matter? He okay?" The confusion in Callen's voice was not unexpected, but that didn't stop Sam from feeling his impatience rise.

"No, he's hurt, I don't know how badly but it doesn't look good. I have no idea what happened, I kind of found him here. Just hurry up."

Sam ended the call, his eyes still locked with Deeks. "Come on, man, let go. The doctors need some space to treat you."

Deeks just shook his head in a tiny motion looking right on the verge of crying, his eyes darting this way and that, checking for possible threats or a way out, maybe both. Not that Sam could blame him. Their last venture to an ER couldn't have left a nice memory with the young man, it sure hadn't with Sam. Although in all honesty, Sam wasn't sure what Deeks remembered at all right now.

The paramedic helped make Deeks more comfortable without uttering a word though he looked at Deeks strangely the whole time. Then he just left after giving Sam a friendly nod. Sam felt a bit confused by that behavior, until he realized that Deeks had relaxed the moment the other man was gone. It was obvious the detective trusted only one person right now. Sam wasn't quite sure what to make of this, but he felt somewhat humbled by the thought. Deeks' grip around his wrist tightened and Sam had the distinct feeling he was the only thing holding together Deeks' ever fraying nerves despite the fact that the young man had no idea who he was. So he stayed and calmly waited for his partner to come and join him. Hopefully with some of the doctors in his company.


	2. Chapter 2

_And here ist the next part of our journey. A huge thank you to all those who left reviews. It's wonderful to see one's story is well received._

 **Chapter 2**

Callen sidestepped to let a paramedic and two police officers pass by, then entered the ER. His gaze took in the divided room until he glimpsed a slice of his partner and his charge through the curtains.

"What the hell…" his voice trailed off while he took in the scene in front of him. Sam stood beside an examination bed occupied by their liaison. Deeks looked like the victim of a hit and run and should be treated by some doctors, but they all seemed to be wary of him. Some of the nurses were busy cleaning up the place which looked a bit as if a fight had taken place.

"Is anyone going to treat him soon?" the agent barked, his mood still sour after his interview with the righteous witness. That guy hadn't been worth the trip. Full of attitude but no worthwhile information.

The sound of Callen's voice snapped Deeks' head up and Callen found himself in the center of Deeks' piercing look. Those blue eyes held no hint of mischief or laughter, only fear and distrust.

"Who are you?"

The question and the lower tone of Deeks' voice took Callen by surprise and his foul temper evaporated. After exchanging a quick look with his partner who just gave a small shrug, Callen answered "I'm Sam's partner, G Callen." The team's leader thought that any more information would overwhelm the detective right now. Coming closer Callen noticed the grip Deeks had on Sam's wrist and smirked.

"I told you he would grow on you." Callen whispered teasingly, when he finally stood by his partner's side, but he knew that Sam could tell how worried he was.

Callen held firm through Deeks' scrutinizing gaze. The younger man seemed to come to a decision, lowered his head after giving Callen a slight nod and started to fidget with the hem of his dress shirt. If one could call the nervous movements his swollen fingers were able to fidgeting. Both agents turned as one to glare at the doctors.

An elderly lady with short grey hair and spectacles finally ventured closer, shaking her head in annoyance at her colleagues. Sam tried to leave Deeks' side to give her some room to maneuver, but it didn't do any good as Deeks still hung on for dear life.

"It's fine. Whatever makes him calm." she stated with a surprisingly nice smile given what had happened. "I am Dr. Munroe." she introduced herself politely and gave the patient some time to get used to her proximity. "May I have a look at this?" she asked before carefully reaching for the head wound after snapping on some gloves. This time Deeks accepted the touch of a stranger, although his discomfort with the whole situation was obvious. Even more so when some of the nurses joined the doctor who now looked at his leg.

"You okay here?" Callen checked with Sam.

"We will need a crowbar to get him off my wrist." Sam groused without heat while Deeks was distracted by the activity at his leg. Callen grinned and turned around to find someone to answer his questions. He saw the paramedic from before and caught up with him.

"Excuse me, I am Agent Callen, NCIS, Sam Hanna over there is my partner. Detective Deeks is our liaison. Do you know what happened? Can you tell me, please?"

The man stopped, gaze venturing back to the ER. "Sure, over there?" he pointed to a small waiting area further down the hall. At Callen's nod the paramedic led on and sat on one of the chairs. He brushed off his trousers in a nervous manner and shook his head in disbelief.

"It was an accident. Some jackass not paying attention ran a red light. Deeks and a mother with her child were just crossing the street." The paramedic gestured at an Asian woman with a maybe five year old girl at her side Callen had noticed in passing. It seemed she was being interviewed by the police officers. One of the men noticed Callen's gaze and nodded curtly with a grim smile. The agent returned his attention to the paramedic "He jumped forward to shove the two out of danger but got hit himself. He could have jumped backwards, to save himself, but he didn't. Not that I'm surprised, Marty's just not that kind of guy."

"You know Deeks?" Callen interrupted surprised. The paramedic smiled.

"Yeah, from way back when he was still working as a lawyer. He helped me out of an embarrassing mess pro bono and we kept in touch ever since. Not really much more than birthday and Christmas cards, a beer every few months, but still." The man shrugged. "It was a shock to see him lying lifeless on the street bleeding all over the place. He was still unconscious when we took him to the ER and woke up only moments after we got here. All of a sudden he jumps up going totally berserk. No idea, how he managed that given his state. He didn't recognize me, wouldn't let anyone touch him, no way of calming him. Until your partner came." The paramedic smirked "Well, Marty held him at gunpoint first."

"Deeks held Sam at gunpoint?" Callen tried to fit that piece of surprising information with Sam's 'I kind of found him'. He needed to have some words with his partner about this.

"Yeah, but Marty surrendered the weapon to him. Seems like he trusts him." The paramedic looked into the distance thoughtfully. "What happened to him, Agent Callen?" his gaze held earnest worry.

Callen knew the man wasn't asking about the accident. He was looking for an explanation for Deeks' reaction. "Sorry, I can't tell." The agent shrugged apologetically. That's when he noticed the name badge of the paramedic who hadn't introduced himself. "I'm sorry, but is your first name Jason?"

"No, it's Jonas, why?"

"Ah, nothing, Mr. Wyler, just curiosity." Callen turned to find Hetty at his side. His flinch was barely noticeable. She must either have driven like a maniac or been close by to reach the hospital this fast.

"I was already on my way here when I got your call, Mr. Callen. Lieutenant Bates contacted me right after his officers informed him about the accident. It happened practically right in front of the cemetery so luckily help was close by this morning. And as I heard Mr. Wyler's narration, you don't need to repeat it." The tiny woman smirked. _Of course she had noticed the flinch_ , Callen thought.

"Thank you very much for that by the way," she added with a polite nod towards the bemused paramedic. "Shall we go and see if the doctors can tell us more about the state of Mr. Deeks?" she continued. As she had already turned heading towards the room that held Deeks, Callen knew the question was rhetorical. He nodded his thanks to the paramedic and followed. They were just in time to see the gurney with the again unconscious detective being rolled towards an elevator.

"Did they use a crowbar to get you free?" Callen asked with a grin.

Sam wasn't fooled by the friendly barb. With a nod to Hetty he answered the question Callen hadn't asked aloud. "The doctors needed to set the IV again, but Deeks freaked at seeing the needle. I know we made fun of him after he fainted when you inoculated him, Hetty, but this? He was on the verge of a panic attack. He said he would be good, please no needle." Sam shook his head. "He begged!" Sam whispered disbelievingly. "No grown man should…"

"Mr. Hanna?" Hetty interrupted calmly with a tiny frown showing on her face.

Sam checked himself, took a deep breath and continued. "They managed to sedate him, don't ask how, it wasn't pretty. Given the state he was in it knocked Deeks right out though that wasn't their intention. They wanted him calm but conscious for further examination."

At the grim look on Sam's face Callen came to stand a bit closer to his partner and put a hand on his shoulder, Callen's expression asking Sam to go on. Sam swiped a hand down his face in a weary manner before going on.

"They need to do some x-rays and more importantly brain scans to assess how severe he is hurt. The amnesia makes them fear some serious brain damage, though he doesn't seem to show any other signs." Sam looked as unhappy as Callen felt and their petite boss gave a grim sigh.

"So we will have to wait" she stated and the three of them headed back to the waiting area after consulting with one of the nurses. On their way there the mother Deeks had saved came over with a nervous smile. Her child was with an Asian man, probably the father, who kneeled in front of her and kept stroking her hair and her arms like he couldn't believe she was alright but for a few bruises and scrapes. "I am sorry, but the police officers told me you might know more about Detective Deeks? Is he hurt badly? Is he going to be OK?"

It was Hetty who answered "I am sorry, Mrs."

"Wong, my name is He Xie Wong. Those are my daughter Harmony and my husband Thomas." The man, hearing the words, looked up shortly and gave them a beatific smile, tears welling in his eyes, before his eyes were drawn back to his child.

"I am sorry, Mrs. Wong, but we don't know anything yet. We have to wait for the doctors to finish their examinations."

"Will you call me, please, when you know more? I would like to thank him. He saved my daughter. He saved me. I am so grateful." Her husband stood to stand beside his wife, their daughter between them, and hugged her close. "Yes, please, tell us. We need to thank him." he emphasized.

Hetty promised to do so and took the small slip of paper with the woman's name and mobile number written on it. Together with her agents she watched the small family leave the hospital. Well, they would have to stay so they finally settled down in the waiting area.

Hetty called Eric and Nell to inform them of the events. Both offered to join them at the hospital, but Hetty declined politely but firmly. It wouldn't do any good anyway given that the detective had no memory of them right now.


	3. Chapter 3

_Only a few more days of waiting then season 7 starts. I wonder what we can expect and if it will influence what I wrote up to now._

 _Thanks again to_ _ **yellowcallalilly**_ _,_ _ **Beststoriesever**_ _and_ _ **sprig**_ _for their continuing reviews, to those who follow this story or put it on their favorite list and to all of you for taking the time to read (and hopefully also enjoy) this story._

 _Not to forget: Thanks again to Bee Eh Vee who took the time to have a look, add a few words here, straighten a sentence there… It helped tremendously!_

 _And so the journey continues…_

 **Chapter 3**

They waited for a considerable time, only once interrupted by the two LAPD officers looking for someone to fill them in about how Deeks was doing, and even had had some sandwiches the cafeteria offered until at last a doctor who introduced himself as Smyth appeared asking for the family of Detective Deeks. It was late afternoon and they were definitely sick and tired of waiting any longer. As Hetty was listed as next of kin and had all necessary proxy the doctor had no qualms about telling her, and as they were in earshot, Callen and Sam too, their findings so far.

"To put at least some of your worries to rest I'm happy to tell you that Detective Deeks' wounds are not as serious as we initially feared. His head wound needed some sutures; same goes for the laceration on his leg. Fortunately there was only minimal damage to the underlying muscle. He will have to be careful with it for as long as it takes the wound to heal properly, but there shouldn't be any lasting damages. A crutch or a cane for the next days would be a good idea, though."

"Yeah, Deeks and a cane, I can totally see that." Sam chuckled.

"Are you serious?" Callen really wasn't sure.

"Let that be my problem, gentlemen." Hetty silenced her agents with a frown. "Please continue." She gave the doctor her undivided attention again.

"Detective Deeks' ribs are not broken, just severely bruised. Painful enough but not life threatening as it is. We have already managed to reduce the swelling of his hand and now he is able to move the fingers without too much problems. And yes, that means he is conscious again and responding. What concerns us is that we are still not able to find the cause of his amnesia. He is slightly concussed but that would only explain a small retrograde amnesia regarding the accident itself, maybe even some hours before that, but not the total loss he seems to endure. The scans came back clear, no breaks or fissures in his skull, no visible swelling of or bleeding in his brain."

They heard this news with a mix of relief and concern. Relief that their detective wasn't as badly injured as feared and concern regarding his memory loss.

"What do you mean with total loss of his memory? He reacted to his name when I called him and knew that what I showed him was not an LAPD badge." Sam inquired.

Smyth frowned and gathered his thoughts before answering "Regarding the badge I will have to ask him, but sometimes people just know things without knowing why they know them. Same as with muscle memory which allowed him to handle the gun. Detective Deeks reacted to you shouting at him, at least that's what he told us when we checked. You could have called him any name and he would have turned. He said he has no idea who you and your colleague are or what his connection to the both of you is. What he does know is that he trusts you, however odd that may seem. And it's good that he does, he will need support until he gets his memory back. "

"Yes, we will support him," Hetty answered the unasked question before the doctor could voice it. "But do you have any idea how long it may take Detective Deeks to get his memory back?"

"I am sorry, but as we don't know the cause for the memory loss we are at a loss. I'll have to consult with some colleagues and we'll pull in a psychologist, but my first shot at a diagnosis would be psychogenic amnesia. Which basically in layman's terms means he doesn't want to remember. So in a way his loss will last as long as he wants or needs it to."

Callen and Sam exchanged a stupefied look then turned their attention to their boss. Hetty just sighed "Oh bugger." They all stood there in silence for a moment, trying to process what had been said. "What will happen next?" Hetty eventually took charge again.

"We'll keep Detective Deeks in for at least 48 hours to make sure there is no residual effect, but after that he should be free to leave. Taking his condition into account he should not be left alone until either his memory returns or he is comfortable being on his own. You are listed as next of kin and emergency contact so I take it he has no living relatives? Does he live alone?"

"No, there are no living relatives that we know of and yes, he lives alone. Which reminds me… If you would excuse me for a moment?" Hetty took out her phone and the agents saw that she dialed Nell. "Ms Jones, I have a favor to ask. Would you please be so kind and contact Mr. Deeks' dog sitter and check if …" Nell obviously interrupted her as Hetty's voice trailed off. She smiled "Excellent, thank you very much for your foresight. I will call you later with more information but be assured that our liaison is not so seriously wounded as previously feared." Hetty ended the call. "Again, I am sorry for the interruption. We will talk about Mr. Deeks' care when the time comes. Right now I'd like to see him if possible."

"Sure. We have taken him to a private room given that he needs to stay calm. Right now we keep him lightly sedated, but I think it would do him good to be with people he knows at least on an emotional basis. Our psychologist will see him tomorrow unless you want to bring in one of your own men, Ms. Lange?" The doctor was clearly used to dealing with members of law enforcement.

Nate wasn't close by unfortunately and the operations manager wasn't comfortable with the other choices NCIS offered right now, so Hetty shook her head. She would make sure to check the psychologist's credentials before letting him talk to her detective though.

"If you don't have any further questions I'll ask a nurse to show you to Detective Deeks' room." When no one spoke up, the doctor shoved his hands in his coat pockets and waited as the three looked at each other. No one spoke for a moment as they tried to digest what they'd just been told.

"Thank you, Dr. Smyth, but right now we don't have any further questions. I trust you will be available in case that changes?" Hetty inquired.

"The nurses know where to find me, just ask one of them to contact me. And if I may make a suggestion, don't overwhelm the patient right now. One visitor at a time should be enough."

To no surprise to her agents Hetty chose to stay herself, ordering both men back to the Hacienda to finish the paperwork so they could finally close that other blasted case. Her words, not theirs. Nevertheless they took a short look to see for themselves that Deeks was comfortably settled in the room assigned to him. Hetty promised to keep them informed and nodded her consent when Callen offered to relieve her in the morning. She watched them leaving and turned to the door, entering only after a slight hesitation, squaring her shoulders in the process.

For a moment she imagined him lying there with bandages covering two shot wounds, but of course that had been a while ago. This time part of the detective's face was swollen, the bruising in stark contrast to the paleness of the rest of his face. His upper body was bare to the chest and showed several further bruises.

The petite operations manager sighed and settled down into the chair, content for now that the man was – despite his looks – not fighting for his life. Well, in a way he was. Not for his physical life, but for the memory of the past life. She just hoped he would remember soon. Hetty would have liked to have Kensi at their side, but that wouldn't happen. It was up to the rest of his family to get their liaison back.

Watching the man again she decided that it would take some hours for him to wake. Taking out a book she always had in her purse for moments like these, she patiently settled in to wait. She just hoped her guess was right and the young man would trust her as easily as he had Mr. Hanna and Mr. Callen when he woke. But it was a gamble she was willing to take.

* * *

When Deeks woke there was a petite elderly woman sitting in the chair at his bed. Her brown hair was cut in a sleek bob with short bangs and she gazed at the pages of a leather bound book in her hands through the glasses of thick rimmed spectacles. She looked like someone's benevolent grandmother, ready to read a bedtime story, but Deeks wasn't fooled. Something told him she was not to be underestimated despite her small size. As if sensing his gaze she looked up.

"Mr. Deeks, it's good to see you awake again." She sounded genuinely glad at seeing him conscious and smiled fondly. Her eyes held a mischievous sparkle that put Deeks at ease.

"I'm sorry, but…"

"Ah, no need to be sorry, Mr. Deeks, I forgot that you have no idea who I am. My name is Henrietta Lange; I am the operations manager at NCIS."

M _ore like she didn't forget, but hoped I would remember when seeing her_ , thought Deeks but didn't voice it aloud. To his surprise Deeks found himself liking her nevertheless. There was something else below that feeling, something bitter and resentful he didn't want to think about right now, but first came the trust.

The detective let his gaze roam the room. An ordinary hospital room as far as he could tell, the walls and furniture kept in some light grey-green color. Deeks had no recollection how he had ended up here and later he would wonder why that didn't seem to upset him. His head ached and he felt sore all over, but somehow that pain was distant. Maybe he was on some medication? "What happened?"

"You were in an accident. A car ran a red light and you got hit while crossing the street."

"And I've been told this several times already, haven't I?"

"I am afraid so, but let me assure you that there is no need for concern, it is quite normal for someone with a concussion to have some memory issues."

Deeks snorted and winced the same moment "Some memory issues. That's one way to put it." He frowned. "You're listed as next of kin. I heard one of the nurses saying so."

"See, you remember. Yes, I am listed as next of kin. It was due to an injury you got within your first year with us – us being the NCIS team with you acting as our liaison with LAPD - that we realized you apparently have no blood related family. You didn't know who to put in that form as next of kin so I offered and you obviously agreed."

He mulled this over for a while before asking the next question.

"How did we meet?"

Deek's couldn't tell if Hetty hesitated before answering. It could be that she just needed to gather her thoughts about how to tell a long story short.

"You were working as an undercover cop at that time and had an assignment investigating some drug dealings in an MMA studio. We had an undercover mission at the same studio for mainly the same reason. Due to lack of communication between LAPD and NCIS we had no idea of each other – my team even thought you to be one of the suspects at one time - until you forced Sam into a fight outside of the studio that had you both booked by your colleagues. You needed him out of the picture to fulfill your assignment."

"Sam? Sam's that tall dark guy, isn't he? I fought with him and survived?"

Hetty just grinned and continued as if Deeks hadn't asked. She didn't mention that several of the NCIS team had similar unbelief at the outcome of that match.

"With both of you in prison I took the liberty to have a closer look at your file and learned to my surprise that you were an undercover cop. And a good one, I might add, which made me decide that you were the ideal police officer to act as liaison to avoid such a blunder to happen again."

"I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm a police officer. And not only that. "Deeks shook his head, grimaced in pain, but carried on, "I'm liaison with NCIS. I don't know." He hesitated "If at all I would guess myself to work as a lawyer although I have no idea at all why I should think so."

"Well, you passed the bar exam in California, so no surprise there."

"If I did that, why am I working with you now?"

"I am afraid only you know the answer to that question, Mr. Deeks."

Deeks frowned and looked pensive, rubbing his brow in an absent manner that indicated pain in Hetty's experience. As had his winces before.

The small lady leaned forward and pushed the call button next to his bed.

"What are you doing?" he asked, now suddenly agitated and a bit distrustful, jerking back unconsciously and wincing with the sudden movement.

"You need your rest, Mr. Deeks. And I think you would get more rest without pain. So I called for the nurse."

Deeks managed to somehow vanish into his bed. A remarkable feat given his size and the fact that there was nowhere to hide in a hospital bed. Hetty smiled reassuringly "Don't worry, she won't bother you with any more needles. You have an IV-line right there and any medication will be given either over that or orally."

The nurse who had entered the room right that moment overheard the last words and also smiled "It is good to see you awake Mr. Deeks and your boss is right, I won't use you as a pin cushion." Unfortunately her attempt at humor fell flat. Coming closer she took in her patient's obvious fear and pain and tried another approach. Sighing she continued "I bet he's taken, isn't he? All the good looking gentle ones are."

Hetty didn't even try to hide her amusement at Deeks disbelieving face. He sputtered, wide eyed, at a loss for words.

The nurse took pity on him. Her eyes twinkled as she whispered conspiratorial "Don't you worry, Mr. Deeks, I'm not trying to seduce you, but you would be a wonderful match for my daughter. I can just picture the two of you together. Tall, blond, blue eyes…" while she talked she had cleverly continued her brief examination to update his stats, before administering a dose of pain medication into his IV-line.

"I prefer brunette." Deeks blurted out with conviction, which made both women laugh. The detective pouted unwittingly and even with his still slightly swollen and scratched face he managed to look cute. The nurse sighed inwardly "What a pity." she said with a friendly smile. She nodded at Hetty and winked at him when she left the room.

Deeks suddenly felt tired beyond belief. He wanted to ask Hetty something, about his preference for brunettes, but fell asleep before he was able to gather his thoughts to form a question.

Hetty patted his hand with a slight smile and took up her book again.


	4. Chapter 4

_The journey continues. Thanks to those who left a review, put the story on their favorite list and/or follow it. I really appreciate it. I'm afraid some of you might be just as disappointed as Hetty and Callen, but I hope you will stay with this story nevertheless._

 _For those who joined up with us now: Welcome!_

 **Chapter 4**

As promised Callen relieved her in the morning.

"The driver?" Hetty asked as soon as she joined him outside the room leaving the door ajar so they could still see Deeks but wouldn't disturb him with their conversation. She hadn't acknowledged how much she had been looking forward to having someone to punish for the hurt caused to her detective. Only when Callen answered she realized there wouldn't be any mystery to be unraveled, no one to hunt down, to be caught and made pay for their deeds.

"Jeremy Candell, 27, and, as Wyler said, just some jackass not paying attention."

Hetty took in the angry posture of her team leader. He clearly was as frustrated as she was that there was no one there to really aim their wrath at. She nodded at him to continue.

"Eric and Nell left no angle uncovered, believe me, but the harsh truth is: He is just an idiot. His girlfriend broke up with him via text message and he was angrily texting her back to convince her to stay with him that he would change and so on. They found his phone under the seat where he tried to hide it. He only noticed Deeks when he hit him. When LAPD swarmed all over him like a hive of angry bees he had the brazenness to tell them it wasn't his fault, his light had been green and that idiot had just walked right in front of his car out of nowhere and deserved what he got and he really had done nothing wrong. That didn't go too well as you can imagine. That moron hadn't even realized it could have been the mother and her child he hit and that the girl would surely have been killed if he had done so. We saw the footage, Hetty."

Callen just shook his head and looked at Deeks lying on his bed as if to reassure him that their liaison was still alive.

"Mr. Hanna?"

"He's at home trying to calm down Michele. She didn't react too well to the news and left to her she would go strangle that bastard regardless."

Callen and Hetty chuckled darkly with a grim smile They exchanged a few words about Deeks' status and the finalization of the other case, then Hetty left and Callen settled into the chair. The agent gave his charge a thorough once over, now content in the knowledge that he was doing better.

Immersed in a newspaper he nevertheless noted when Deeks woke a few minutes later. Deciding to give the other man some time to take in the fact that his guardian had changed he waited patiently for Deeks to start the conversation. He didn't have to wait long.

* * *

The next time he woke Deeks felt more awake and less fuzzy than last time. Still sore and in pain, but that was to be expected when you got run over by a car, he guessed. He opened his eyes and found the petite woman had left and in her stead there was a blond guy sitting in the chair she had vacated. For a second Deeks was annoyed that they seemed to think he couldn't be left alone. Then he reconsidered. Maybe they didn't want him to feel alone instead of watching over him like he was a threat to himself or others. The detective felt somewhat confused and pleased in equal measures by the thought. The man gave no indication that he had noticed Deeks waking up. He sucked on a tootsie pop in an absent manner while browsing through a newspaper. It took Deeks a moment to realize why he couldn't make any sense of the headlines.

"That's not English. Are you Russian?" Deeks blurted curiously.

Callen grinned, that was not the first question he had thought to be asked. "Yep, it's Cyrillic and nope, I'm not Russian. Just trying to put in some practice and stay up to date. And by the way, not only Russians use the Cyrillic alphabet, Deeks." The guy folded the paper and gave him a piercing look, then he smirked. "Callen."

"What?"

"My name. It's G Callen."

Deeks wondered what the G stood for and why the guy had given only his last name. But as he called him Deeks and not Marty maybe that was just the way they addressed each other. He sure acted like they knew each other. "Do I know you? I have a feeling I should, but..."

"We work together, but I think right now you don't remember that." Callen replied calmly "You saw me briefly in the ER. Concussions sucks, it muddles short term memory so don't fret it, if you can't remember." the agent soothed. He didn't want to agitate the detective. Having no memory must be bad enough without always being reminded of it by others. Callen couldn't shake the bad feeling. He still reeled at why Deeks wouldn't want to remember. Not that the detective had no good reasons for pushing aside the whole Sidorov case and the fact that Kensi was on a mission without her partner as back up… But to forget nearly everything? Maybe he shouldn't have been so harsh to the man, given him more time. But he had thought Deeks needed someone to shake him out of his stupor and he had needed to know that he wasn't endangering the rest of his team and…

"What's with the guilt?"

Callen looked up in surprise. He hadn't realized that his mind had drifted.

"Guilt?" he hedged.

Deeks just raised an eyebrow "You can just tell me it's none of my business, but something tells me, it's got to do with me. So what is it? You drove the car that hit me?"

"No" indignation laced Callen's voice.

"So?" Deeks prompted.

"It's just, I can't, I don't know…" Callen found himself off balance at this abrupt, almost rude, style of questioning. It certainly wasn't the Deeks they knew.

"You always this eloquent?" Deeks' eyes twinkled.

Callen snorted and ruefully shook his head, looking at the floor. There was a flash of the old Deeks. But here he was, a seasoned agent with years spent in the field, and now he felt inadequate and stumped. Socially awkward regarding feelings, not just played for a mission. And he couldn't make himself to see this as a mission. He didn't want to. Raising his head again he looked Deeks in the eyes. The detective felt comfortable enough to tease him although he had no memory to back this trust up with so Callen tried honesty.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?" Deeks sounded as puzzled as he looked.

"That's the problem. I don't know, I just think I should say it."

"Okay." Deeks drawled with a surprised rise of his eyebrows "Glad we got that out into the open at least, given our shared past and all that."

Callen snorted again. He couldn't help the smile forming on his face which Deeks returned.

Before they could continue their admittedly strange conversation a nurse entered the room. It wasn't the one from the night before, but a middle aged Hispanic looking man. He smiled, his eyes lightening up when he noticed Callen. Deeks tilted his head and tried to hide a smile while he watched the nurse bustling around to take his stats. Callen left the room after making sure that Deeks was okay with it so the nurse could take care of some issues Callen didn't need or want to know the details of. He used the break to grab some ham and eggs for breakfast from the cafeteria. When he got back the detective looked a bit disgruntled and exhausted, but there were also some merry sparks dancing in his eyes.

"What is it?" to say Deeks' mirth made him nervous was an understatement.

"You wouldn't like to get to know Juan Don better, would you? He'd like to get to know you. And no, I didn't make it up, his name really is Juan Don." Deeks chuckled though it made him flinch and press his ribs.

Callen couldn't help it as he face palmed and answered drily "No, thank you." With some concern he added "You need pain meds?"

"I'm good, they just need some time to kick in." Deeks sighed and tried to make himself comfortable again, keeping his eyes down on the blanket.

Callen recognized the restlessness from Deeks last encounters with a hospital. His dislike for medical facilities seemed to be ingrained to his very core, regardless of what he remembered. Not for the first time Callen wondered about Deeks' past. He knew a bit and could guess at some more, but they had never really talked about it. Like recognized like and the agent was quite sure that he and Deeks shared some experiences about their upbringing through childhood, but as both felt uncomfortable talking about it they had never brought it up.

Someone knocked at the door and interrupted them again. Deeks looked up and saw a police officer with a cardboard tray bearing three coffees entering the room.

"Hi there." The officer said in a chipper mood "The doctor said it's OK to visit as long as I keep it short. And coffee is allowed too, so, help yourself." He offered the tray to both men ignoring the somewhat awkward silence his entry entailed. After distributing the coffees, waiving off the thanks and taking a first sip he smiled. "I'm Officer Leroy Hannah. If you don't mind I would like to ask you some questions, Detective Deeks."

Deeks looked uncomfortable, but nevertheless said "Sure don't mind, but given the state of my memory I'm not sure how I can help."

Callen had to admit that he was a bit disappointed. He had hoped Deeks would notice the familiar last name of the officer, but maybe that was too much to ask. His attention went back to the officer who smiled unconcerned and continued.

"So you still can't remember what happened yesterday, Detective Deeks?"

"I can't remember what happened last year, let alone yesterday. And to be honest, I feel uncomfortable with you calling me detective 'cause I don't know that I am one. I don't know anything it seems."

Both Callen and Hannah noted that Deeks did not seem to be overly disconcerted with the fact of his memory loss. Remarkably calm he said "But regarding yesterday I was told it was an accident involving a car running over a red light and I got hit, but no details. I don't even know if ..." Callen and the officer exchanged a look which had Deeks suddenly on edge.

"Was I told the truth? Did I hurt someone? I never thought of asking if I..."

Callen could see Deeks' heart rate spiking on the silent monitor and rushed from his chair to his side, taking Deeks hand in an impulse he couldn't explain later.

"Deeks, Deeks! Calm down, its fine. You didn't hurt anybody. On the contrary, you saved a mother and her child. They are both okay thanks to you." emphasizing the last part with a squeeze of his hand, Callen gladly noticed that Deeks seemed to calm down.

"There was a little Asian girl in the ER together with her mother. I remember them." Deeks sounded surprised by the fact that he could remember something "I scared them. Were they, are they...?"

"You're right." officer Hannah cut in before Deeks could up his agitation any further "You saved those two and though you did scare them a bit in the ER they're fine. Some scratches and bruises from falling, but it could have been so much worse. Mrs. Woo explained to her daughter that you were hurt and confused by the accident and didn't mean them any harm. She's so grateful that you saved them and would like to thank you, later, when you're up to have some visitors."

"I, I don't remember. What did I do to scare them? "

The young man took a breath to launch into an answer, but Callen interrupted before a word came out.

"Officer Hannah, a word?"

Deeks couldn't see Callen's face, but he could see Officer Hannah's reaction. Wide-eyed the young man followed the older agent out of the room.

Callen was alone when he came back into the room. At Deeks' questioning look he explained "Officer Hannah will come back later. Right now I don't think it's a good idea for him to question you. I'm not even sure he was really supposed to."

"He brought us coffee." Deeks blurted stupidly, wondering what had made him say that.

Callen chuckled and came closer to gaze into Deeks eyes. His suspicion confirmed he grinned. "I'm afraid you're a bit high from your pain meds, Deeks."

Deeks just hummed. "Mmm tir'd" he mumbled and yawned.

"Then sleep."

"You'll stay?"

Deeks voice sounded calm, but Callen could see the raise of his heartbeat on the monitor.

"Sure, I'll stay."

Satisfied the younger man closed his eyes and relaxed back into his pillow.


	5. Chapter 5

_As I said before: This story wouldn't exist as it does without Bee Eh Vee, who even wrote a huge part of this chapter, so I give the floor to..._

 _ **Bee:**_ _Hey everyone! Just wanted to say hi and thanks to all the readers and followers and reviewers. This story's been a fun collaboration and I'm glad that you're enjoying it._

 **Chapter 5**

Naturally they took turns watching over their ailing liaison. Predictably it was Sam who took the next night shift having the advantage of meeting a conscious Deeks when he switched places with Callen, so Deeks wasn't too surprised by his presence when he woke several times during the night. They talked about fly fishing off all things whenever the detective was awake and lucid enough to talk at all. Sam was still at a total loss how that happened and even more at a loss to find it was something that caught his interest. He knew next about nothing about fly fishing and was astounded to notice that Deeks did. Who knew?

Sam noted the pattern that had begun developing with Callen's stay and continued with his. Deeks would wake with panic skimming across his face. He'd ask a few questions, usually about who was sitting in the chair, how he knew them, whether he'd hurt anyone, and who he was. Sam found that flippant answers made him more anxious and jumping ahead of Deeks' train of thought would confuse him. Sam made sure to pass his findings along to the rest of the team. Unfortunately that update did not include Deeks making any progress remembering his past.

It was Hetty who spend the next day with Deeks despite the man's protests which she chose to ignore with an imperious snort and a raised eyebrow. OK, not so much ignored but simply overrode. She only left when the hospital's psychologist came to do his assessment of Deeks and discussed his findings afterwards. Unfortunately he confirmed his colleague's shot at a diagnosis regarding psychogenic amnesia and said he needed some more information to guess at the exact reason and the best way to treat his patient. Hetty made an appointment for the next day as she herself would be the best person to give the necessary information to the man. She had already made sure he had the necessary clearance to know about some things which might turn up.

After another night, this time Callen again at Deeks' side, the doctors did some final exams which left them confident in their assessment that it was OK for Deeks to leave; given further supervision that was.

* * *

Deeks sighed and tried to look forward to the fact that he was going to be released any moment now. All the necessary paper work was already filled in, his meds fetched from the hospital's pharmacy, and now he was just waiting for Callen to pick him up. The detective hated being in a hospital, that much was obvious even if he couldn't remember why. On the other hand, who honestly liked to be in a hospital? Sighing again he shuddered at the thought of the unknown he would be facing now. There was the strange feeling that this wasn't the first time he was going to some place unknown, dreading the outcome of this replacement. They had talked to him about going to Callen's, but he had no idea what that would actually mean. He had never known more than a name when… When what? Annoyingly the thought vanished just when he wanted to get a hold of it to maybe reveal a further puzzle piece of who he was. All he got was a blank. Thinking about Callen drew a blank, too. He didn't know the guy for god's sake. Weirdly enough, that didn't keep him from trusting the agent. Talk about mixed feelings.

"I see you're ready?"

Deeks flinched and shot Callen an irritated look. Lost too deep in his thoughts Deeks hadn't noticed him entering the room. Juan followed with a wheelchair, smiling at him encouragingly.

"Come on, man. Let's get you cozy in your ride." Juan bustled around and before Deeks knew it, he found himself settled comfortably into the wheelchair. He genuinely liked the Hispanic man and would miss his upbeat attitude. Maybe he could move in with him instead? Smiling slightly at that thought Deeks watched as Callen checked the room one last time for anything forgotten before he gestured with a grand hand wave to the door. "After you." he intoned with a slight smirk.

A few minutes later found them in Callen's car and on their way. They hadn't talked at all during the way from the room to the exit except for saying good bye to the hospital staff and arrangements to get Deeks and his crutches into the car. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, more a contemplating one.

"Come on, Deeks. I can see the wheels turning in your head. Just ask."

"It's just, this ride? It doesn't match what I would fix with you. Seems I lost my touch. If I ever had one, that is."

Callen shot him a curious and surprised look. "You're right, this isn't my normal ride. Hetty and I thought this one would be easier on you to get in and out off, so I switched."

"Wow, must be nice to have some cars at your disposal." After a short hesitation. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Callen smiled and checked where they were. "I don't know about you, but it's close to lunch time. How about we go sit a bit over there in the sun and enjoy some mystery fish as Sam would name it?" Callen hadn't missed his team mate's longing look towards the water and he knew for sure that this food was one of Deeks' favorite and the place he pointed to was a small area next to the beach which offered a great view of the ocean. They could either stay in the car or brace the few steps to a nearby picnic table.

Callen hid his smile when Deeks predictably navigated the few steps to the table with his crutches and carefully let himself down on the bench. Before Deeks could fuss Callen helped him to put up the leg on the opposite bench so he wouldn't jostle it too much. "There is only so much pain meds can do, Deeks. Suck it up and be a good boy." He could just reign in the urge to ruffle Deeks' hair- or not. Grinning at Deeks' indignant "Hey" he turned to the food trailer and bought two meals.

Deeks enjoyed about half of his meal then slid the rest over to Callen who didn't comment but just made short work of the offered food. A few minutes later Callen noticed a slight change in Deeks and judged it to be the time for them to head home so the younger man could get some rest. He knew by his own experience that just sitting in the sun could get exhausting when injured.

A short time later they arrived at Callen's and the agent let them both in. He watched silently as Deeks took in the room with its sparse furniture. When Deeks stayed silent Callen took over "Your room is over there. You can go and have a nap or join me here. The couch should be comfortable enough. I have some work to do, but I don't mind if you want to watch some TV."

"TV." Deeks said decidedly "Bathroom?" he then asked a little shy.

"Over there. Third door on the left." He watched as Deeks made his slow way down the hallway then went to open the door as he heard a soft, but distinctive knock.

Callen opened the door to find Eric ready to knock for a second time.

"Oh, umm," Eric shifted the bag in his hand so that Callen could see what was inside. "I brought a bunch of Deeks' DVDs, these are the ones piled by his TV, so I figured they were probably his favorite." He held the bag out for Callen and then lifted the second one. "There was also a half-eaten pack of homemade brownies. I brought them too – I don't know where they came from, but they do smell good."

Callen said thanks and asked Eric to say hi to everyone at the office. Deeks hadn't appeared at the sound of the voices so Callen didn't want to push yet another person he didn't remember on him. He shut the door and dropped the DVDs by the TV and carried the brownies into the kitchen. Eric was right, they did smell good. He headed over to the hallway and watched as Deeks plodded his way down on the crutches.

"How's it coming, hop-along?" Callen tried to sound positive, but he only got a grunt in response. Deeks thunked all the way to the couch and dropped himself on to it. Callen grabbed the bag and passed it over. "A friend of yours picked these up at your place and dropped them off." Callen knew he wouldn't know who Eric was and the explaining wouldn't help the pain that Callen could tell was edging in on Deeks. He'd seen the tightness around Deeks' face before and knew it was soon followed by medications. "Anything interesting?"

Deeks took one case out at a time and focussed on it before putting it to the side very deliberately. Callen could see the titles from where he stood and read them off to himself; The A-Team, Hogan's Heroes, Hardcastle & McCormick. Deeks saw him reading and bit his lip before answering. "The bad guys always lost and no one got hurt." He looked back down at the pile and the full force of those words hit Callen like a ton of bricks. With great control he stepped out of the living room and into the backyard, which had become his office. He pulled a chair over into the shade and dialed Hetty. She never let her phone ring many times so she picked up quickly.

"Yes, Mr. Callen."

"I get it, Hetty. I know where this amnesia is coming from."

There was a rustle on her end and he knew she was probably moving to a different place in the office. "Oh?"

"It's something he said." Callen rubbed his face. "He has no filter right now, so I've been learning a lot. But this one stuck out."

"Go on." He had her full attention.

"He explained his choice in television – he said 'the bad guys always lost and no one got hurt'."

"Ah, I see as well." He could almost hear her nodding sagely. "It appears the stress of the job has gotten to him."

Callen chewed on his next thought for a while, but Hetty waited. "Hetty," she was either going to agree with him or shoot him. "I don't want to question your judgement, but is Deeks really cut out for this job?" He closed his eyes, half dreading what was coming after the silence.

"Well." Hetty took a breath. "Some people deal with the impacts by obsessively moving and never making any real personal connections outside a very small group, but we try not to judge them."

Okay, he deserved that.

But she wasn't done. "Or deciding to go off alone after their personal demons in a short-sighted attempt to bring peace to their souls but is more likely to get themselves killed."

Fine, he deserved that too.

"Therefore, an accidental case of curable amnesia brought on while in the throes of saving a woman and her child doesn't seem to be that concerning in comparison."

It was like she was trying to drop a really big hint or something.

"I get it."

"I'm not confident you do, Mr. Callen." There was a bit of resignation in Hetty's voice, as if she was sure he would never understand.

"I do too." He sounded a bit whiney to himself and he winced at how much he sounded like a little kid. "Anyway." He drew in a breath. "I thought it might be useful to the psychologist."

"I agree, and consider it passed on." Hetty paused and then said, "Keep an eye on him."

"I will Hetty, don't worry about that." He said goodbye and ended the call. He took a moment to pack away that conversation and then headed back into the house. He found Deeks tucked on the couch, watching Hannibal, Face, B.A., and Murdock battle the villain of the week. He pulled his laptop out of his bag and set it on the kitchen table where he could see Deeks out of the corner of his eye and started to do some work.

About half an hour later Callen noticed that Deeks had fallen asleep. He lay stretched out on the couch, trust Hetty to choose one that would fit even a sleeping Deeks, looking not really relaxed, but not in pain either. For a moment Callen considered to switch off the TV, but opted for letting it play. He didn't mind and maybe the constant noise was soothing for his younger colleague. He would wake him when it was time for dinner.


	6. Chapter 6

_I'm a bit in a hurry today, so just the most important thing: Thank you for joining the journey and I hope you will continue to do so till it says "The End". But, some more chapters before that's going to happen, so…_

 **Chapter 6**

Turns out he didn't have to wake Deeks. Had he thought it through, he should have known that the high pitched noise of a drill was something that would alert the detective who had slept through various shoot-outs and explosions. Now Callen could only watch as Deeks woke staring at the screen, the emotions on his face veering between horror and confusion.

"Good, you're awake, how about dinner? I don't know about you, but I could use some food."

Deeks head snapped around though the fast movement made him wince and his gaze fixed on Callen. "Dinner?" he echoed bewildered, clearly not all the way awake yet.

"Yeah, dinner, the meal served in the evening? Sometimes referred to as 'supper'? Usually eaten prior to some sort of night activity? Or have you forgotten…?"

Grinning Callen caught the pillow Deeks threw at him and lightly tossed it back. Mission accomplished, the younger man was too annoyed now to remember what had woken him and how it had made him feel.

As a kind of retribution he ordered some food he thought Deeks might like for dinner and was rewarded when the younger man gleefully tucked in. His appetite seemed to have improved compared to lunch time.

"Thank you." Deeks said after Callen put away the few leftovers and dealt with the plates and utensils.

"I have to eat, too, you know. So don't sweat it"

"Yeah, but I think you chose food you know I like and not what you would normally eat."

"Well, you are not wrong, but luckily for both of us your idea of good food is mostly the same as mine. Unless you are on one of your weird save-the-world-and-the-environment trips, then we have had our differences..." Callen smiled at the memory of some really bad sandwiches. That time it hadn't been funny at all, but in retrospect... The smile turned down slightly at how there was a chance Deeks wouldn't remember those times.

Deeks just shrugged, having to take Callen's word for it. Absently folding and refolding a napkin he visibly hesitated.

"Just spill it." Callen encouraged. He still wasn't used to a Deeks that needed prompting to speak his mind. Normally it was the opposite problem, they were prompting him to keep some of his thoughts to himself.

"Well, thank you for letting me stay with you and dealing with me and all the circumstances that come with it. Like having more furniture in your house than you're used to."

"How do you..."

"You kind of keep bumping into it or looking at it like you don't know where it came from." His eyes flicked down and he seemed to shrink into himself a bit, as if he was expecting some sort of angry response.

"And here I was thinking you only had eyes for Hannibal, BA, Face and Murdock while not sleeping." Callen laughed, shaking his head. "It's fine, Deeks. You wouldn't be here if I didn't approve of the arrangements."

"But, why? I know you said we are teammates, but I still don't get it."

"For me, my team is my family, Deeks. So you're my annoying little brother I take care of when needed." Callen shrugged it off, noticing Deeks' wide eyed stare.

"Just like that?"

Callen shrugged again, not really able to explain any further. He pressed his lips together, realizing he'd flippantly said something Hetty couldn't have pried out of him with an expensive bottle of liquor or with years of conversations with double-speak and mind traps.

Deeks took some time to digest this information, opened and closed his mouth several times, but no words came out. Callen couldn't help the small grin – he should almost take a picture to prove to disbelieving partners. Speechless Deeks wasn't something often to be seen. Finally the younger man rushed "The doctor at the hospital, I mean the psychologist, not the other one, he said, he said that…"

Callen waited, outwardly patient although he wasn't looking forward at all with what he feared this reluctant groping for words was going to. But changing track yet again Deeks eventually asked "Sam is your partner?"

Callen nodded, still waiting Deeks out.

"Do I have one?"

"Sure you do." Callen nodded, inwardly wondering how far he should go with his explanation.

"So where is mine? You, Sam, Hetty, were all at the hospital, but my partner, where was she?" Deeks watched him with unabated apprehension.

"How do you know your partner is female?"

Deeks blinked rapidly, visibly perplexed when he couldn't answer the question.

"I, I can't tell you. I said partner and automatically added she, but I don't know why. I can't even remember a name or what she looks like." Now he started to sound upset and looked stressed so Callen continued.

"Sorry, Deeks, I shouldn't have asked you that. I just hoped you might remember more. And to give your mind some peace: Your partner is gone on a mission."

"On a mission? Alone?"

"That happens sometimes. You get an assignment for a solo task. You fulfill it then you come back to your usual kind of work."

"But..."

"I'm sorry, Deeks. I really am, but I can't tell you more right now. But nothing bad happened to your partner, OK?" Callen deliberately left out the fact that something bad could happen to Kensi. It wasn't the point and wouldn't do any good to tell Deeks who luckily didn't ask.

Deeks nodded hesitatingly, then took a deep breath and winced. He took the medication Callen promptly passed him with a sigh, looking pensively at the glass of water as if it contained all the answers in the world.

"I just slept, but I'm tired again, to quote a song 'I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired.'" Deeks whined after some time.

Callen scoffed "You're healing, Deeks. There is quite some damage that needs fixing and sleep is a good medicine. And don't forget the food that needs digesting, the antibiotics for your leg and the pain meds, all that makes you feel tired, too. So just go to bed. I think that would be more comfortable than the couch."

Deeks nodded and accepted Callens' help to get up from the couch. If Callens' hovering on the way to his room with a short side trip to the bathroom bothered him he didn't say so.

"Well, that wasn't too bad." Callen mused and continued to work on his laptop. When he realized he would need some documents from his desk he checked his watch and decided to call it a day.

* * *

Callen woke as usual in the middle of the night. He sensed not being alone, but remembered Deeks before his hand went to the weapon he kept close by. He contemplated again why the younger man stayed with him at his house. He still couldn't really explain.

They had ruled out Deeks' apartment right away as too many people there knew him and would be confused by his behavior and thus confuse him and put unnecessary pressure on him. Sam and Michelle were willing to take care of Deeks, but there was no way they could do it at their home. A safe house was brought up but put down vehemently by Callen. There was no way he would put both of them in a foreign environment while he was staying with the recovering man. And to everyone's surprise there was no doubt to him that he would take the brunt of Deeks' care though he couldn't explain it any further than Sam having not enough time with his family as it was. Callen realized that he really wanted to take care of Deeks, so he just went with the feeling. Hetty made short work of Callen's lack of suitable furniture and entertainment to house a recovering person. Now he had some company for an unforeseeable time and was surprisingly OK with it.

The agent knew that he wouldn't get any more sleep right now so instead of tossing and turning in his bed, he silently stood up and padded to the living room on bare feet, barely managing not to bump into the couch that stood where no furniture belonged as far as he was concerned. He chuckled when he remembered Deeks comment about this. He didn't begrudge Deeks the comfort and would put up with it as long as it took to get the Deeks back they knew.

Thinking about what project might occupy him the next hour or two Callen stared into the room without really seeing anything. Then he heard the muffled scream. Callen was somehow used to the sound of gagged people screaming, and he just wouldn't think about the reasons why, so his only question was why Deeks sounded like that not why he screamed at all. Callen thought that Deeks had enough reasons for nightmares to guarantee some screams in the middle of the night. On silent feet the older agent rushed to his younger colleague's room and pushed the door open, hitting the light switch in the process.

Deeks sat on the floor, his back to the wall, and pressed his face into a pillow so his heavy breathing sounded muffled like the screams before. ' _Never let anyone know that you cry'_ Callen thought while watching the shivering and trembling detective. He didn't come any closer, not wanting to risk the taller man lashing out at him in his fear, but instead addressed him with a stern voice from the door.

"Hey Deeks, come on man, you're safe here. Need you to focus on where you are, not what you're imagining."

Deeks head came up slowly but his eyes were still vacant. Sam wouldn't know that his partner could talk so much, but Callen kept up with a litany of soothing words until finally life came back to Deeks' eyes as he blinked several times.

"Callen?" his voice wobbled and he looked confused while taking in the room around. "Where am l? What…?"

When Callen sighed, Deeks gaze fixed on him, tears suddenly running down his face while he visibly swallowed several times. Callen knew that Deeks was going to be sick and fetched the small plastic bin standing by the door. He managed just in time to be at Deeks side so the man vomited into the bin instead of all over the place. When he was sure Deeks was done Callen went to the bathroom and fetched a glass of water, a wet wash cloth and a towel.

Coming back into Deeks' room he noticed that the man had maneuvered himself into a corner, legs up in front of him though that must hurt his ribs and leg like bitch, arms on his knees, head in his hands. Still trembling he didn't notice Callen coming closer.

"Come on, rinse and spit." Callen said and ignored Deeks' flinch when only now he noticed the older man right in front of him. He still didn't look up so Callen strained to make out the next words he mumbled between his hard breathing.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a burden, I…"

"Stop it right there, Deeks."

Deeks flinched again, clearly reacting to the anger in Callen's voice so the agent tried to tune it down.

"It's okay, Deeks, you're not a burden, you hear me? You need some help until you get better. We talked about it, you're my little brother and I want to help you, no one is telling me to do it. I WANT TO." Callen emphasized the last part to get his point over to Deeks, but it was as if the younger man wasn't listening

"I, I try to remember, I really do, but I get headaches and I feel sick and…"

"When do you feel sick? Why didn't you tell me? Maybe it's the antibiotics, we will check with the doctors. Come on Deeks, hey?" Callen kneeled in front of the younger man, carefully reached for his head and made him look at him. He hadn't expected the naked panic in Deeks' eyes. Panic, pain and confusion were plain to see.

"Marty, I won't hurt you. Please believe me, I would never hurt you intentionally. There is no reason for you to be afraid of me."

"I know, Callen. It's just." Deeks hesitated, groping for words "I know I can trust you and Sam and Hetty, I do, but I don't know you as a person. It's so confusing and I ask myself why I trust strangers despite not knowing them and I can't find a reason, there is just this feeling of trust, but there is no knowledge to back it up. I need some proof, some facts so I know I'm told the truth and I…" Deeks barely got the words out between his panting.

"What do you want to know? Maybe I can help, even with some proof."

"I, I don't know, I just…" Deeks helplessly shrugged.

Callen had an idea. "Can I leave you alone for just a second? I'll be right back." Deeks nodded hesitatingly and kept his eyes glued to the door until Callen returned with a laptop in his hand. The older man sat down beside him and a few clicks and passwords later they were looking at some photos.

"See, that's us at our last Christmas party." Deeks looked at the photos eagerly. He recognized Sam and Callen, but the woman at his side was a stranger. He guessed she was his partner. Callen confirmed his guess a second later. "As you may already have guessed the woman at your side is your partner, Kensi Blye. You mostly call her Fern just to annoy her. Or she may like it by now, who knows." Callen mused.

"She's brunette."

"Obviously, why do you care?"

"Something I said at the hospital and wanted to ask Hetty about, but" Deeks shrugged, left the sentence unfinished and kept going through the pictures, wondering where they had been taken. "Is that – a boat?"

Callen snorted. "A boat he says, don't let Sam hear that. Try aircraft carrier. This was only moments before Hetty came and traded places with Sam so he could spend the holidays with his family. Here, pictures from the year before. Those two are Nell Jones and Eric Beale, our Intelligence Analyst and Tech Operator. Once in a while you and Eric go surfing together. And Eric was the one who brought your DVDs. You were in the bathroom when he came by so you missed each other."

"You didn't wanna push another stranger at me?" Deeks looked at Callen and Callen grinned ruefully thinking by himself that Deeks was more perceptive than they gave him credit for. "That too."

Deeks just nodded with a sad smile and continued to browse through the photos. He wondered if he looked happy. He couldn't really tell, but it seemed so. Callen showed him more and it was just too much in Deeks' opinion to be faked. Not that he had any idea why anyone should even bother to fake those images. The longer they sat and looked at the laptop the calmer Deeks got and the more prominent the pain in his leg and ribs got. His need to see and hear more – Callen kept up with explaining what they were looking at – warred with the growing pain even when he stretched out his legs. Finally he couldn't stand it any longer.

"Sorry, but can you help me back up and to the bed? I'm afraid I'm too stiff to manage on my own."

"Sure." Despite Deeks being taller and heavier than him, Callen had no problems to help him back to his feet and into the bed. Being used to handling his also taller and heavier partner sure helped in that regard.

"Think you can sleep again or do you want some more pills?"

"I'll try without." Deeks said after some pause.

"OK. I'll leave the door ajar and in case you need something, just holler."

Waiting to see Deeks nod in acquaintance, Callen left the room and went back to his own.


	7. Chapter 7

_Here we are again. Thanks to all the people who left a review, I love to get those._

 _And thanks to BeeEhVee who again took the time to check my spelling and grammar and who added a nice touch here and there. Any faults still left are mine._

 **Chapter 7**

When Callen woke next he checked in on Deeks, but it seemed like the younger man was peacefully sleeping this time. It was the same when he checked again later. It was nearly dawn when he checked next and found the young man more or less awake. He gave him a moment to find his bearings before addressing him "How about a hot shower and breakfast afterwards?"

"You think I can take one?"

"Don't see a reason why not. I have a small stool that fits into the shower in case you need to sit down. Let me just put something over your dressings so they don't soak. We'll need to change them later anyways, just be careful when washing your hair. I'll give you ten minutes, after that I'll check to make sure you haven't drowned."

True to his word Callen 'waterproofed' the dressings, not an easy feat with the one close to Deeks' hairline, put a stool into the shower stall and showed Deeks were to find some towels and his duffle bag with fresh clothes.

Next he strolled into the kitchen wondering what he could offer in way of breakfast. Cereal would do, he decided after some consideration and in no mood to bother with eggs and bacon, so he started the coffee machine and put out two bowls and some milk. After a short hesitation he put the brownies on the table as well. Deeks might not remember who made them but they smelled too good to be wasted. Callen hollered at Deeks and reassured by his prompt answering holler, he took his cell to give Hetty a call. He filled her in on what happened during the night. To his immense relief she told him that Nate would give him a call later to answer some of his question and help however he could from afar. Before they hung up he asked her for the files on his desk which she would make sure to get to him.

He could hear Deeks coming towards him, the crutches a clear giveaway, and turned. Sadly he couldn't suppress the snort when he got his first look. "You do remember what brushes are for, Deeks? That's not styled by pillow, that's styled by putting a finger into a socket."

Deeks just gave him an irate look, sat awkwardly down, leaned the crutches against the table and took one of the bowls. He added cereal and milk and started munching. Even when Callen put a cup of coffee in front of him Deeks just nodded his thanks, but kept his quiet.

Callen joined Deeks at the table and tried in vain to start a conversation. A few minutes later he gathered the newspaper from his front door and skimmed the headlines. Though living on his own and being used to it, the ongoing silence while in Deeks' company was unnerving. So it was with quite some relief when his cell phone rang. "I'll be in the back yard, okay?"

Deeks gave him a hot look then busied himself with putting the bowls, cups and utensils into the dishwasher, leaning on the table and the kitchen counter respectively.

* * *

"I don't know Sam…it's so weird." Callen talked into the phone as he watched Deeks move around in the kitchen from where he stood in the backyard.

The line coughed as another caller joined the conversation. "Hi Sam, Callen, I'm sorry I can't actually be there."

Sam held a finger up to Michelle and tucked his phone into his shoulder. "Hi Nate," Sam acknowledged his presence before continuing. "Do you want me to come down?"

Callen scrunched up his face and thought about the offer. "No, it's just," he paused.

"I'm not sure what I'm seeing here." He nudged a weed with his foot. "There are these moments of the Deeks we know, all hyper and irreverent, but then he's sarcastic and moody. I made a comment about his hair and he got this look in his eye and wouldn't talk to me for an hour."

OK, it might not have been an hour, but it had sure felt like one.

"You have to keep in mind you're dealing with a concussed person. They're prone to moody behavior. Do I need to remind you of that one memorable time you…"

"No thanks, Nate." Callen interrupted hastily, before his dearly missed former teammate could delve into that particular moment in time. Nate sniggered and continued.

"Then he lost his memory. That has to be frightening whatever other impression he might give. We all know how good he is at deflecting and hiding, just like someone else we know," again with the hinting, Nate was like Hetty in that regard "but I bet underneath he is scared as hell. And then there's the fact that he is an undercover cop. He played roles, or more like lived roles, for days, weeks or even months. We don't know which of his aliases might pop up without him even realizing, because he has no idea to begin with that there are any roles to come up."

Callen already felt calmer now Nate was on the line. It all sounded reasonable laid out like this, but still…

"Well, you're not wrong about him being scared." Callen said and filled Nate and Sam in on what had transpired the night before.

"I'm afraid that was to be expected." Nate offered. "Good thinking with the photos."

"It was the only thing I had at hand that moment. But it's strange. When I tried to talk to him about this at breakfast he acted as if it never happened. Well, he ignored me most of the time to be honest, but I just hoped…"

"Maybe he's embarrassed?" Sam chimed in.

Silence met that assumption, but more a reflective than a disregarding one.

"You still there, Callen?"

"Yeah, sure, sorry, Nate, just lost in thought."

"What a mess. I would love to come, but…"

"I know, Nate, I know. Thanks for calling, it helped a lot."

"Glad to hear it. Sorry, but I have to go, say hi to the others and I hope to see you lot soon."

"Bye Nate, take care!"

Sam was still on the call and he grunted. "G, I think it'd be good if we swap out at some point." He saw his wife nodding her approval and saw the note she scrawled on the notepad. "I'll be there tonight. You can take the night off."

Callen sighed and weighed the pros and cons. "I think it'll be good for him. I'll explain it to him now so it doesn't seem like I'm abandoning him. See you tonight."

Decision made Callen went back to the kitchen were Deeks sat at the table, squinting at the newspaper. "You look like a mole caught in the sun." Callen said before he could stop himself.

Deeks shot him an annoyed look "Why do you always mock me? I think I should just leave. Just tell me where I live and I'll take a taxi."

"And pay it from what money?" Callen felt the urgent need to hit his head on the kitchen counter, repeatedly, when he saw the hurt flash over Deeks face before it suddenly resembled a blank mask.

"Sorry, Deeks, Marty, I'm sorry. I'm just teasing you, you know…"

"That's the problem, Callen, I DON'T KNOW." Deeks took several deep breathes to calm himself and continued in a more sedate voice "I don't know. I just have this feeling that I can trust you, Sam and Hetty, but beyond that? There's nothing. No reference for me to judge if you're just teasing, mocking or being deliberately mean, because you may feel obliged to take care of me right now, but nothing else. Maybe Hetty just told you to despite you not wanting, how should I know?"

Callen sighed and sat down at the table again. He was so screwed. He looked at the table top "No, Deeks, no. I'm sorry, I really am. I don't want to mock you and I sure as hell don't want to be mean to you. You're right, you can't know what it means to me to share my home with someone, what it means to have you here. Sam and Hetty do, but you, you just can't and I forgot." Callen snorted at the irony of that statement and made sure to look Deeks into the eyes for the next words. "I thought it would be enough if I tell you that I think of you as my annoying little brother that I WANT to take care of. Not because I feel obliged to do so, but because I like you. So I teased you as usual, the back and forth we do, the way brothers would tease each other, not realizing that you can't know it's just teasing. Sorry."

Deeks nodded and cleared his throat. "Thank you. It's just, I don't know what to do, what will happen next. And by next I don't mean tomorrow or the day after, but next week, next month. If I don't remember then what?"

Callen didn't know how to answer that question so he kept silent. They both did for some time. It was Callen who broke it before it could get uncomfortable "Come on, your dressings need changing. And after that we can see what we can do about that shaggy mop of hair on your head, deal?"

Later, they went to the beach again and it soothed both of them with the steady crash of waves on the sand. Callen had made the effort to call Eric and make sure that they were not sitting at one of Deeks' usual haunts. It would lessen the possibility to meet someone who knew the detective. It still was a beach frequently used by surfers.

Deeks watched them and his lighthearted comments about what they did well or bad kept both of them entertained for some time. When Deeks seemed to run out of steam, Callen took over with exaggerated guesses about the backgrounds of some of the guys around them which made Deeks laugh. He joined in on the fun and together they made up quite some wild stories about the people with them on the beach while relaxing in the sun warmed sand using some boulders as backrest.

"Callen, I would like to know something, but you have to tell me…"

"Shoot."

"G. Callen?"

Callen shrugged. He would have expected Deeks to ask even sooner and didn't mind at all "I don't know what the G. stands for. I'm not from the US and when I came to be part of the system all they had on me was that name: G. Callen. Sam usually calls me G, you and others Callen. I'm used to it."

"Wow, that must suck."

"I don't know anything else, so, as I said, I'm used to it by now."

Deeks nodded, thought it over and resumed their game of making up stories about the people around. Callen was surprised about the lack of prying. On the other hand, the Deeks he knew was intense, but normally he backed off before upsetting the person he was with. Don't get him wrong, Deeks sometimes was as annoying as you could get them, but he seldom if at all upset anyone. Interesting how that worked.

Deeks fell asleep not much later and Callen let him have the little nap. He bought them some burgers for lunch and they decided to spend some more time at the beach, though at a more comfortable place with actual chairs. The really good coffee and even better pie that went with it had nothing to do with that decision. Nothing at all…

They were in a decidedly better mood when they went back to Callen's house later in the afternoon. Callen had filled Deeks in on the fact that Sam would come in the evening and Deeks had only grinned.

"I hope, you have something nice planned for tonight."

Callen just shook his head. What could he possibly say to that?


	8. Chapter 8

_First to answer a guest's question: The next chapter will reveal who made the brownies. Sorry, you'll have to wait for the answer until next week…_

 _This chapter was again in large parts written by BeeEhVee and I love it. Guessing by the reviews you do too. A huge thanks to all readers! (To Bee: As they were mentioned: Some (unfortunately virtual) brownies are on their way to you!)_

 _So, now to some moments with Sam and Deeks..._

 **Chapter 8**

With a final summary of the possible medical issues that could come up, Callen stepped out of the house. Sam went to close the door when Callen suddenly spun around and held up his hand, ready to launch into yet another speech about how to properly watch Deeks. Sam shut the door in his face and threw the lock.

"I have keys to this door, y'know!" Callen shouted through the wall.

Sam stalked away from it leaving his partner to huff and puff alone. It was like his partner had completely forgotten that he and Michelle had successfully raised children who occasionally got injured and survived their own little bonuses from their dangerous professions. He could understand doctor's instructions and he was the first one that Deeks trusted when it all began.

He realized Deeks was staring at him with a confused look. Sam glanced around and realized that he was paused in the middle of the room. He pushed his feet to move and he continued his path to the kitchen counter where he'd left the preparations for dinner when he shooed Callen out of the house. Sam muttered as he busied himself organizing the supplies he'd brought.

A cough came out of Deeks and Sam spun to face him with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh…" Deeks' eyes widened and he silently sputtered for words.

Sam got the feeling he was dealing with the tongue-tied Deeks Callen had described. To be honest, he had only half believed his partner – Deeks? Quiet? The universe couldn't possibly be that kind to his ears, and yet it wasn't close to satisfying.

"Go ahead. I don't bite." He said, putting a gentle smile on his face lest his words be misinterpreted as abrupt.

Deeks leaned on his crutches and stretched his neck so he could look back at the door. "Was that…normal?"

"The conversation me and my partner just had?" Sam clarified.

"If that's what you want to call it." Deeks eyebrows scrunched together.

"Yep." Sam gave a quick nod. "You tend to be a part of those 'conversations' as well." Sam wrapped his fingers around the word while gripping a tomato. His answer caused more furrowing and a frown so Sam decided to distract him from trying to remember memories that were out of reach. "Here, for now, we're going to focus on dinner and the fine art of tossing a pasta."

Deeks clunked forward to the table. He looked across the spread of vegetables and other supplies. "I can guarantee this is going to be better than the hospital food. There does seem to be a lack of Jello, though."

Sam's dimples showed as he laughed. He pulled a box out of the furthest bag. "Michelle slipped it in and made me promise to make it for dessert." At Deeks' questioning look he added. "Michelle always feeds it to our kids when they're sick, she thinks it has a secret healing power." He was rewarded with a brief look of concentration and then a smile. Nate had sent him a message to try to not always explain things and instead lead Deeks to the answers he was looking for. Deeks wouldn't have remembered that Sam was married and he slipped in the information that he also had children.

"What do I do?" Deeks nodded at the pile.

Sam opened a few cupboards and found the utensils and bowls that would work for what he planned. He laid out the plan for Deeks and got him dicing and slicing. Sam worked the stove, cooking up the pasta and sautéing vegetables. Deeks sniffed and mentioned how good everything smelled. Together they prepared the meal, Deeks carefully following every instruction Sam gave him. The Jello was made during the process and stored in the fridge to set. Sam grabbed dishes and they sat down to eat what they prepared together.

The meal was spent with Sam doing most of the talking. Deeks asked about his kids, prodding stories from Sam he hadn't told in a while. He asked about some of the pictures Callen had shown him the previous night.

"I hear one Christmas Hetty brought quite the ride home to the boat we were on." Deeks said.

Sam coughed. "Boat?" Then he saw the glint in Deeks' eyes. He shook his head, "there's the spirit. Callen nudge you towards that one?"

Deeks smiled a Deeks-original grin. Sam could see the lost person in that face and it gave him hope. He launched into a semi-embarrassing tale of one of Callen's failures as payback.

As they finished cleaning their plates, Sam could see the weariness in Deeks' body and sent him for a nap on the couch. Deeks went willingly, snoring softly shortly after landing on the cushions. Sam cleaned up the dishes and stashed the rest of the food he'd brought in the fridge. He shook his head at the lack of decent food and huffed at the take-out containers. He graded through the fridge's contents and threw out some things which he knew would result in some whining from his partner. He didn't care; he saw this as an opportunity to get both of them healthier.

He unpacked his laptop and some papers from another bag. He didn't want Deeks to feel as though he was babysat at all times so he brought some things to keep himself occupied. It was an hour in to the complicated papers when he went out into the backyard to do some light exercise to clear his head. The open door would alert him to any activity on the inside of the house that required his attention.

* * *

"Deeks, what is it?"

He didn't react. With vacant eyes the younger man stared silently at the laptop in front of him, his hands hovered over the keyboard and were shaking slightly. Coming closer Sam noticed the stack of paper – how had Deeks gotten hold of the contract he and Michelle wanted to have checked over later by a lawyer? – and finally could see what was on the monitor. To his surprise it was just two words and a blinking courser: USERNAME and PASSWORD.

"Deeks?" Sam carefully closed the laptop. The other man looked up and Sam sucked in a breath. Deeks gaze was just so vulnerable. It immediately set his protective streak in gear, but before he could say anything Deeks started talking haltingly.

"I don't know. I don't remember." Deeks mumbled "I – I wanted to look something up, because I'm sure the law regarding this clause here changed a few weeks back, but now I don't know how to access this page." Deeks looked down at the paper in front of him, index finger tripping on one clause in particular. "I am sure, but I wanted to double check as well, but - I don't know who I am." his voice trailed off and he took a deep breath. "What if I never remember? What will I do? What if I remember and don't like what, who I am?"

To get some time before he answered Sam browsed through the pages. 'Why do I always forget?' He scolded himself taking in the notes Deeks had made on the paper. He always looked at Deeks and thought 'clown', 'sunny boy' and 'surfer'. Why weren't 'lawyer', 'police detective, 'NCIS-liaison' his first descriptions? The guy has brains under the shaggy mop of hair. ' _Well, he's good at hiding it_ ', Sam thought as he sighed. He made a mental note to ask Deeks later how a former public defender knew so much about contract law. And for Sam it was when Deeks remembered, not if. When he heard Deeks take a deep breath Sam focused back on the man in front of him again.

"Are we really friends, Sam? I mean, I have this deep feeling that I can trust you, no question about that, but, no offense, I look at you and think 'I wanna poke that guy. He is sooo damn awful serious sometimes. He needs to loosen up a bit, have some fun and laughter in his life.'" Deeks picked at a mark on the table top.

Taken totally by surprise Sam could only stare for a moment. Where was that coming from? At any other time he might have gotten angry, but now he realized that Deeks wanted to deflect after he had made himself vulnerable; to take their impending discussion away from himself and towards Sam. But he sounded unsure as well and was unusually honest about it. So Sam laced his words with a heavy dose of conviction.

"We are friends, Deeks. It took us some time, but now we are. It's still kind of new and we need to find our way around, but we're on a good path. I'm still angry at myself that I wasted a lot of time before I realized you're person worth being friends with. You had me fooled with your seemingly laid-back ways and that's not an easy feat, let me tell you. Now, whether you remember or not, you won't ever be alone again, Shaggy. Either you'll remember and we'll go on from where we left off or you won't and we'll find a new balance. Whatever happens, it will be fine. It might get bumpy, but it WILL BE FINE."

Sam shrugged, wondering briefly whether Deeks could stay in Los Angeles if he didn't remember, and was relieved to see that Deeks' hands had stopped shaking and the vulnerable look in his eyes had been replaced by something else Sam couldn't interpret yet.

"Thanks" Deeks whispered. Clearing his throat in a way Sam knew only too well the detective stretched his arms over his head, trying to release some of the tension. "What now?"

"Why don't you tell me what you would change in this contract? And don't worry about the proof, just jot down a note and I'll check it with the lawyer. That guy needs to do some work for his money, after all."

Deeks smiled gratefully and told a further impressed Sam what he would change and why. Sam could tell it would impress the lawyer he and Michelle talked to later as well.

Not much later Deeks called it a night and went to go to his room. Sam stopped him before he left the room.

"Do me a favor, Deeks. Should you wake again and be afraid, let me know. In case I sleep don't hesitate to wake me, I really don't mind, you hear me?"

Deeks worried his lips, indecision plain to see on his face – and if that didn't make Sam realize again how much of himself Deeks normally hid behind his laissez-faire attitude he didn't know what would – before he nodded.

Sam was used to little sleep due to his days as a SEAL and to regular stakeouts so he was still awake when he heard Deeks head to the bathroom. Shortly after he joined him in the living room. Sam put aside the magazine about fly fishing, totally Deeks' fault, and gave the younger man a thorough once over. Deeks didn't look afraid, only a bit nervous. And like he was in a bit of pain.

"Anything I can help with?" Sam asked after a moment of silence. Like Callen he still needed to get used to the fact that this Deeks often needed prompting to talk. What a weird feeling.

Deeks shrugged. "Bathroom break and all the movement made me realize I should better take the pain meds if I wanna go back to sleep again."

Sam nodded and couldn't suppress the smirk he could feel forming on his face. He had made sure that Deeks took the antibiotics – some other than before after consulting with a doctor in case they were the reason for Deeks feeling sick the night before – but had let the pain meds slide. Deeks may have amnesia, he still was a grown man, well, at least he kind of looked like one, so if he didn't want to take pain meds, it was his decision. One he obviously came to regret now.

Instead of giving a lecture like he might have done with his partner, Sam just said "Wait, I'll fetch them from the kitchen for you."

When he came back Deeks had sat down on the sofa his leg stretched out on the small table that went with it. He hadn't heard Sam coming back so the agent took a moment to study him more closely. Despite the obvious pain Deeks was in the younger man looked relaxed and comfortable. How he managed to express so opposite feelings baffled Sam. Deeks was skimming through the magazine Sam had left.

"I totally blame you for this!"

Deeks looked up with a grin "Your sudden interest in fly fishing? What's your problem, not manly enough?"

Sam scoffed, it would take too long to explain a Deeks without memory what his problem was. "Whatever. Here, take your pills."

Deeks kept him company after he took his medications, but about half an hour later his yawns became so huge that Sam feared he would dislocate his jaw with the next one.

"Go to bed already, I'll still be here when you wake up again. I bet you and Callen only had some cereal for breakfast so I will make sure you get something different this time.

Deeks grinned at Sam, stood up slowly but without any hesitation and left again. When Sam checked in on him a bit later the detective was fast asleep.

Sam stretched out on the couch which was surprisingly comfortable. He closed his eyes and must have dosed off, because next he woke it was to see a grinning Callen watching him from the doorway.

"What time is it?"

"Shy of seven."

"Deeks?"

"Sleeps like a log. Coffee?"

"Shower first. I didn't plan on sleeping on this couch in my clothes, but I have to leave it to Hetty, it's really comfortable."

When Sam came to join Callen in the kitchen a cup of coffee as he liked it was waiting for him. Sam nodded his thanks and leaned on the kitchen counter to savor his first sip. Callen did the same standing next to him.

"I never realized how shy Deeks is."

It was a good thing Callen had just swallowed his first sip of coffee otherwise Sam might have found himself in a spray of the brown liquid.

"What?"

"Come on, don't tell me you didn't notice already."

"Well, I wouldn't call it shy, but I know what you mean. It's revealing. I just hope Deeks won't freak once he gets his memory back and realizes how much those last days told us about him."

"I do hope so, too. OK, I promised Deeks some decent breakfast, so, move."

Callen grinned and went to wake up Deeks.

After an excellent breakfast Sam left for the office where he feed the eagerly waiting Nell and Eric the latest news on their liaison.

It's been nearly a week now that Deeks had been in the accident and he didn't show any signs of gaining his memory back. He had regular appointments with his psychologist, but the man was no closer to finding a solution. It all depended on Deeks and his will to get his lost memory back.

Hetty watched from her desk and wondered how much more time she could give her detective. They were lucky that the cases coming their way could be handled by the other teams, but sooner or later she would need Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna back. She would have loved to have Kensi here with them, but it was crucial that the agent was where she was right now. A life depended on it. With a deep sigh and regret she started the disliked task of looking for places were Mr. Deeks could go should the need arise. She just hoped that it would never come to that.


	9. Chapter 9

_Sorry, I just couldn't resist, but I promise the cross-over reference is just in this chapter and only the first part of it. For those who don't know what I'm talking about: It all comes down to BeeEhVee's "Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses". Deeks and Danny befriended each other and over the years this friendship grew. But apart from certain team members, most don't know about their friendship._

 _To answer one of a guest's questions or better, to try and answer: I'm not sure if you want to know if Deeks is going to surf with Eric or Callen in this story (sorry, but the answer is no) or if you want to know why he isn't, which should be kind of obvious given the state Deeks is in right now…_

 _And to another guest (or maybe the same): Brownies…_

 **Chapter 9**

Nell glanced at the ringing cell and considered her luck to be alone with some files and the incinerator which allowed her to take the call without fear of someone overhearing. She had needed a quiet place to mull over what Sam had told her and Eric this morning wondering if there was anything she could do to help Deeks.

"Detective Williams, this is Nell Jones speaking, what can I do..."

"Call me Danny and why are you answering Deeks' phone, Nell? What did the idiot do to himself this time that you have to monitor his calls? He would have told me in case he'd be out of touch for some time due to a mission. He didn't, so I knew something was wrong when he ignored Grace's message. I'm used to him sometimes ignoring mine, but never Grace's. Especially not when she sent him some brownies she made from my mother's recipe."

Nell, amazed that Danny remembered her after having met her just once and their short conversation on the phone in the middle of the night several months ago, was so stressed she did something she hadn't done for a long time – she started babbling.

"They were nice, the brownies I mean. Tasted great. He brought me a few that morning, as a late thank you after the nightmare. Grace's nightmare that is, not Deeks'. Then he went to a funeral. He was in a car accident. I mean Deeks, not the colleague they buried. He saved a mother and her child but had to jump in front of a car to do so and he was in hospital. Did you know there had been an average of 2,758 fatal collisions and 159,696 injury collisions in 2012? I couldn't find any more recent statistics on short notice. He's at Callen's now, but he is suffering from amnesia and no one knows for how long and if it doesn't get better he may have to leave Los Angeles, because it would be too dangerous for him to stay when he doesn't know friend from foe and…"

"Nell, breathe!"

The petite intelligence analyst took a huge breath and chuckled nervously.

"I'm sorry, but I babble when I get nervous. Haven't done it for a long time, but with all what had happed and …"

"Stop!" Danny interrupted but not unkindly.

Again the nervous chuckling, but before Nell could say a word Danny went on.

"No need to be embarrassed. With your babbling, my ranting, and Deeks' rambling we ought to have it all covered, don't you think? Amnesia, huh? At least that's kind of creative. Been done several times already, but, hey, why not stay with the classics? What else?"

"Bad cut on his left leg, but it's supposed to heal without side effects. Bruised ribs, well, bruised all over, but ribs got the worst of it. Slight concussion, but that's also on the mend already. Worst is and will be the amnesia. It's a so-called psychogenic amnesia, which means he doesn't want to remember. No one can say how long it will last." Nell took a shuddering breath after listing all of Deeks' injuries.

"Psychogenic amnesia? Sounds like something I want to have so I can forget who I work with." Danny chuckled. Then he continued with a more serious voice "Don't worry, Nell, Deeks will get better. He's too stubborn for it not to. It might take time, but I'm sure something will happen and everything will be fine."

"Thank you." Nell whispered. She hadn't acknowledged just until now how worried she was. It was good to hear Danny's kind assurances.

"You're welcome. And now I have to think about a revised version to tell my daughter. She's getting too old to be fooled with flimsy lies." A sigh "She's growing up too fast." Another sigh "Tell the idiot to call me once he got his memory back. I expect that call no later than the end of this month."

This incited a surprised laugh out of Nell as the end of the month was only about a week away.

"You're confident." Slipped before she could stop it.

"In his case I am. He's got Hetty at his back. She will find a way to make him remember if she needs to."

"Yeah, you're probably right. I will tell him. Thanks again."

"You're still welcome. Have a nice time. I have to quit, my partner is creeping close." with those departing words Danny ended the call.

Nell finished burning the files she brought with her, momentarily calmed by the short conversation. The calm stopped however when she was back at the main room and saw Hetty on the phone. She wondered who her boss was talking to, if it had anything to do with Deeks. Their liaison just had to get better. They couldn't lose another member of their team. To be precise, as long as Kensi was on a mission, there wouldn't be a team anymore if Deeks didn't regain his memory. That would be a harsh blow to them all. Nell wasn't aware she still stood at the foot of the stairs, lost in thought.

* * *

Hetty turned after ending her call with Nate, who had made true on his promise to give her a call to fill her in on his call with Callen and Sam. They had also discussed further options regarding Mr. Deeks' future care in case he didn't regain his memory, Nate vetoing some of the places Hetty had chosen, naming others instead. The operations manager was a bit surprised to find Nell at the foot of the stairs, cell phone clutched in her hands, looking a bit lost and desperate.

"Ms. Jones, a word?"

The analyst visibly shuddered and carefully made her way to Hetty after some deep breaths.

"Yes, Hetty?"

"Is everything alright, Ms. Jones?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You seemed a bit lost over there and I wondered what…"

"Danny called. Grace made brownies for Deeks and when he didn't call to say thank you she wondered what happened and made Danny call to check and I answered the phone as his number is rerouted to mine right now to take all the calls and…"

Hetty sighed. Nell hadn't done that kind of babbling for a long time. She must be really tired and upset for it to happen.

"Ms. Jones. How about you call it a day? I'm sure your work for today is already done. If it would make you feel better how about a short venture to Mr. Callen's place? He needs some files from his desk. You could bring them over and at this opportunity you could see for yourself that Mr. Deeks is well but for his amnesia."

Nell hesitated all for a moment. "I would like that, thank you." She finally said with a relieved look on her face and determination in her voice. "Thank you, Hetty." The women smiled at each other and after Nell fetched the files Callen needed she went on her way.

* * *

Callen wasn't really surprised to find Nell at his doorstep with the documents he had asked for in one hand, Monty's leash in the other. The dog gave him a lazy wag with his tail and sniffed the air coming out of his house. Not really an exuberant dog by nature he surprised them by suddenly pulling at his leash, gaining his freedom in the process. Claws clicking on the floor, leash tailing behind, Monty made his way to the couch and dropped his head into Deeks' lap with an audible huff.

Deeks, who had stared at the TV ignoring everything around for the last hour, started, tensed, and looked at the dog with a bewildered expression, tentatively moving to scratch his head. Monty's tongue flicked out and went over the back of Deeks' hand twice. Then the dog jumped up on the couch and practically plastered himself to Deeks' right side, his head in Deeks lap. Miraculously he had managed to avoid Deeks' hurt thigh in the process. With a contend sigh the mutt closed his eyes and relaxed.

"Well, don't you look cozy." Deeks said with an amused smile and scratched Monty behind his ears. "You know, I always wanted to have a dog as scruffy as I am. A dog no one else would want to prove them wrong later and show what they had missed by ignoring it. Its name would be Monty after Monty Hall. I liked his deals, kept me occupied some times." Monty yawned, turned around and presented Deeks with his belly. Deeks laughed and looked up "He yours?" he asked Nell who had followed Callen into the living room. They both had listened to his explanation with halted breaths, gaining some further insight to their liaison to add to their respective collections.

Nell took in Deeks' state. Now she could see for herself that he was going to be OK. The color of the visible bruises on his arms ranged from sickly green to pale yellow, not the dark purple and black she had envisioned in her mind. The scrapes were nearly healed all the way, not angry red and swollen. He wasn't ailing anymore, but healing. Everything was on the mend and now she was sure that his mind, given time, would follow the example his body set. Deeks seemed relaxed at the moment, his hands moving to pet the dog's belly with a familiarity he didn't seem to be conscious of. His right eye was startlingly blue due to the contrast of his still rather red sclera. When he continued to look at her expectantly she remembered his question.

"Oh, no, I'm just looking after him for a friend." She smiled and waved at am. "Hi, I'm Nell Jones."

"Hold on, I know you. I mean, I remember you from the photos Callen showed me. You're the intelligence analyst." Nell nodded with an enthusiastic grin which Deeks couldn't help but smile at.

"Well, and that's about all I know, I'm afraid." Deeks smiled again, but this time it didn't reach his eyes. His gaze went back to Monty who had started to rather enthusiastically roll around the couch and climbing Deeks' lap. When the dog hit a sore spot Deeks hissed and curled protectively into himself. Immediately the rolling stopped, Monty sat up and gave Deeks a disturbingly probing look. If he could talk the question would have been "What's the matter?"

"It's a little sore."

Monty appeared to roll his eyes, "clearly" he seemed to say. His head pulled back in a way that looked like he was raising his eyebrows to ask why.

"Hit by a car." Deeks lifted a shoulder.

Monty growled as if to say "Been there." The dog slid to the side and settled into a spot where Deeks could reach his belly but avoided Deeks' tender spot. They released simultaneous contented sighs. Neither man nor dog took any more notice of the other two with them in the room.

Nell and Callen shared a look. "Good plan, Nell." Callen whispered which Nell acknowledged with a dip of her head. He walked her out and she left feeling better.

When Callen came back with a bag of dog food in one arm and two bowls in the other Deeks was staring with huge eyes at the dog's name tag. He must have found it when he had freed Monty from the leash the dog had managed to wind around himself when frolicking on the couch. "It says Monty." The man told him in a bewildered manner.

"So it does." Callen confirmed calmly, placing bag and bowls in the kitchen, filling one of the bowls with water while he was at it. ' _The things one does to help a team mate_.' He mused while doing so. _'_ _Not only do I furniture my home, now it seems I'm housing a dog, too_.' Looking back at a still bewildered looking Deeks he amended ' _To help my little brother._ ' And no one else but Deeks would get him to admit the last part aloud ever.

"What is it?" he finally asked despite everything slightly amused by Deeks' impersonation of a gold fish.

"So I'm the friend? Nell said she was looking after him for a friend. I'm this friend?"

"Yep, you are." Callen stated in matter of fact tone. "And don't sound so surprised, you do have friends who are willing to help you. The little guy here missed you, though, so she brought him over."

As Monty chose that moment to jump up again and give Deeks some energetic licks right over his face, the man was inclined to believe that statement. "Looks like I failed to train you properly in some regards, he?" Deeks chuckled and both men outright laughed when Monty buried his head under his paws leaving only his white snout to be seen as if he felt ashamed after hearing those words.


	10. Chapter 10

_Thanks for all the new reviews, favorites and followers._

 _To 'my' guest: I have something else in mind to trigger Deeks' memory, but surfing might have helped too. And don't fret it, your English is far better than my French will ever be._

 _I'm not sure I ever said it for this story, but I think we all know that I don't own NCIS: Los Angeles, I just enjoy playing with the characters. Here is the next chapter as a proof..._

 **Chapter 10**

In the following days they cultivated a kind of routine. Sam came by in the mornings, made breakfast for them all or brought something Michelle had made. Callen teased him about it, saying he would gain some weight if he continued to have breakfast two times a day, cause no one could convince him that Sam wouldn't take the time to still have breakfast with his family. Sam just huffed annoyed. He filled Callen in on what was going on at the work front and relayed instructions from Hetty on what kind of work Callen could do from home, before leaving again for the mission. Callen and Deeks with Monty at their heels then would stroll around Los Angeles and the wider area – Callen did most of his work during the night which went well with his ever present insomnia.

Callen was amazed at how well Deeks knew Los Angeles though it was plain to see how much it irked the man that he knew the city, but had no idea how he had gained said knowledge. Callen had to talk him down several times when he overdid it in his struggle to remember. It wouldn't do to try and force it. Once in a while they met people who knew Deeks, but luckily those confrontations were mostly of the "Hello-Nice-To-See-You-In-Passing" kind which Deeks took in stride with a huge smile and a friendly wave. If they bothered him it didn't show at first, but Callen noticed that Deeks tended to close up after such meetings and needed even more prodding to talk to him.

The one occasion it was a meeting of another kind was with an older man who probably had been homeless for a long time. He had an air around him that was telling to Callen. His clothes plainly said poor, but were nevertheless well cleaned and tended as was the bearer.

The man spotted Deeks who sat with Callen on a bench and admired the cane Sam had brought this morning with regards from Hetty. Monty had settled at their feet right under the bench, dozing.

The man slowly came closer and scrutinized Deeks for a long moment. He didn't look like a threat so Callen let him be, curious at where this one would go. When Deeks finally looked up and their eyes met the old man smiled widely.

"It really is you, I wasn't sure, but no way to mistake those eyes. Look at you, all cleaned up and well fed, it makes my heart happy to see you so. I always wondered what happened to you after you helped me find my daughter and made me live with her and my grandchildren despite of what I thought. And you were so right. We don't have much, but we share it gladly and are happy to be with each other again. Her children are doing well at school and Liam will get a scholarship. I feared to never see you again when the police came and arrested you, but it looks like you got lucky yourself. What happened?"

Callen expected Deeks to evade the question, but to his immense astonishment Deeks slowly got up and embraced the man carefully, but with obvious pleasure. "Edward Martin Stanley, it is so good to see you. And I'm not surprised the children are doing well at school seeing that their grandfather has a major in literature and art. I think Liam's sister Amelia will follow soon and gain another scholarship, you just wait." They took a step back from each other and smiled.

The man put his hands on Deeks' shoulders and squeezed gently. His left hand wiped away a few tears on his own face before carefully ruffling Deeks hair. When he saw the wound he took a good look and Deeks just let him without fuss.

Sam had removed the stitches in the morning to Callen's immense displeasure who had offered to do so the evening before. It had taken both men a while to realize that Deeks was playing them, because he enjoyed their bickering over the fact whom he trusted more and who would do a better job of removing the stitches. Their competiveness was just ridiculous some times. The detective got cheekier each day he spent with them, it was good to see.

Now Edward checked the wound, took in the slightly hunched over posture and the cane Deeks used to take weight of his leg. His eyebrows rose questioningly.

"I got run over by a car some days ago, but I'm on the mend already. And what happened? A lot: I found a social worker, well, got found by one to tell the truth, who took good care of me, made me pull my head out of my ass, got me a job I really liked and now I'm back in the game. It's slow going with a few setbacks once in a while, but its progress all the way."

"That him?"

Deeks grinned at Callen which made the man fear on what his cover story was going to be. With Deeks one never knew. And Callen was still reeling that Deeks had recognized the man without any trouble. They needed to talk about that, see what else he remembered.

"No, my social worker is an older fierce lady who knew how to get the respect she deserved. You would have liked her. This is a colleague of mine. He was curious to see where I roamed when I was homeless and offered to drive us over."

"Jeremy Stanton." Callen introduced himself when Edward turned to him and offered his hand to shake. Callen wondered at how Deeks had seemingly instinctively made up a cover story that was as close to the truth as possible. Well, that he remembered to make up a cover story at all, to tell the truth. Hetty as a social worker, inwardly Callen laughed loudly.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Stanton. You like Artie?" Edward asked and gestured over his shoulder at Deeks.

"I do, though he is a nuisance once in a while."

Edward laughed heartily at that.

"I like you. It's good to meet someone who isn't all high and mighty about those who lived on the street for a while. Those are rare."

The men smiled at each other then turned their heads when a car horn honked. A young man waved from a beat-up looking Sedan.

"That's Liam, I'm afraid I have to hurry, I have an appointment at the hospital, just a routine check-up." he added at Deeks' obvious reaction to that news. "You know where I live, I expect you to visit now that you've settled."

"I will, Ems." Deeks promised and watched as the old man went to his waiting grandson, waving when they drove off.

"It must have been a year ago that we last saw each other and still he recognized me, even with how I look now." Deeks said with wonder in his voice while sitting back down on the bench. For a moment he silently looked on then his gaze settled on the expectantly waiting agent at his side.

"I've known him for about five, no, six years now. Whenever I roam around in my guise as homeless man to maintain it, we meet. I liked him and I always tried to get him and his daughter back together, about two years ago I finally succeeded." Deeks looked understandably proud at saying that. "It's so good to see him like this." Deeks sighed. "The last time we saw each other I got arrested by some overzealous colleagues who didn't know me. They still don't. They had nothing on me but bad attitude so I went my ways again without anyone the wiser. I can see their faces before my eyes, but their names elude me. I never forget names, damnit. And why do I roam the streets in the guise of a homeless man?" the last part came more like an afterthought, whispered pensively.

Monty sensed Deeks agitation, stood up and put his head in Deeks lap. Deeks' hands immediately took over the familiar task of grooming through the pelt. It was soothing. As were Callens' next words.

"Calm down, Deeks, you remembered Edward's name and those of his grandchildren. I bet you even know his daughter's…"

"Winifred. She hated him for naming her after her great-grandmother and… Hey, why are you smiling?"

"You like them. I think that's why you remember their names. You didn't like your colleagues, so those names stay forgotten, for now."

"What does that say about our relationship, Callen? I didn't remember your name or Sam's or Hetty's. You had to tell me."

"That's a mean question, Deeks. I would have to ask Nate or your psychologist, but my guess would be that with Edward its just good memories. You like him, you did something very good for him you're justifiably proud of and there's seemingly nothing bad connected with your memories of him. I and the others on the other hand, sadly there are not only good and nice things to remember, so you don't remember at all."

"But I have to remember, it can't go on like this for eternity, you and Sam have work to do, you're partners and I'm the reason you don't have each other's backs, I…"

"Stop it, Deeks. You will remember, bit by bit, if it must be that way. This is a start, a good one. More will follow, you'll see. And right now it's not a problem. We don't have a case that needs me or Sam to have each other's backs. When it will come to that, Michelle will take over. We'll make it work. Which reminds me – we would like to introduce the two of you, so you have a chance to meet her and get acquainted with her, if that's OK with you."

"Give me some time to think it over." Deeks said, but he knew, there would be no way to avoid this.

They sat in silence for a while before Callen suggested to visit the café again they had found the other day and try some more pie. Deeks happily agreed to that suggestion and later bought a whole pie for Sam to bring to OPS and share with the rest of the team. Mellowed by the good food he even gave his consent to meet with Sam's wife the next day when Kamram would be on a school trip.

* * *

They had some time to kill before Michelle would arrive so they looked around for something to do while waiting. Monty was with his dog sitter to get a good run. It was more slow going with Deeks and Callen. Suddenly something caught Sam's eye and he grinned.

"You know, you should finally make good on your plan and go to the barber, Deeks."

"Yeah, you totally should." Callen jumped on board without missing a beat. "It's about time to get rid of that beard and shaggy mop of hair to expose the real you."

Don't overdo it Sam's raised eyebrow clearly told Callen who just shrugged. They had that 'conversation' while Deeks looked at the close by shop that had caught Sam's attention.

"I planned to have my hair cut?" Deeks clearly had some doubts.

"And your beard shaved. You wanted to try something new. And I bet you'll love to be finally rid of all that hair."

Deeks eyed Callen suspiciously. Something was wrong though he couldn't get a clear read on it. Sam wasn't telling either. He just smiled his dimpled smile and gestured towards the barber. "Come on, let's go."

"You're messing with me." Deeks grinned, slightly nervous, though. "I won't fall for it."

"No, we're not. Come on, you'll look great." Callen and Sam stood side by side, arms crossed above their chests and smiled encouragingly at Deeks.

"You two are just unbelievable." Sam and Callen flinched. They hadn't seen or heard Michelle coming up on their backs.

Deeks bemusedly watched as the fierce woman scolded the two men. She had an amused twinkle in her eyes though and neither Sam nor Callen seemed alarmed, so Deeks knew all was good.

But, something stirred in Deeks when he heard her voice that he resolutely shoved into the back of his mind. It seemed after he met Edward the door to his memories never closed all the way and he got glimpses here and there. He didn't like the feeling Michelle's voice caused though and wanted to forget about it. Still a fine tremor ran over his body.

"We are not, we are just trying to give Deeks a new look." Sam hedged.

Callen wisely kept silent and watched Deeks out of the corner of his eye. Something was off, but neither Sam nor Michelle noticed and Callen just couldn't put his finger on it.

"Are you, now?" Michelle shook her head in fond exasperation.

"Don't let those two fool you, Deeks. You look just fine as you are. I'm Michelle, Sam's wife. Nice to meet you." Michelle gave no indication that she already knew the detective.

"Nice to meet you, too." Deeks shook the offered hand without apparent hesitation and with a wide smile. _Wrong name_ , his mind screamed at him, but he tried his best to ignore it. Everything was fine, Callen and Sam would have reacted differently if it wasn't, so everything was fine. "Thanks for the save."

Callen narrowed his eyes at Deeks. Now he was sure something was wrong, but he would ask Deeks about it later without the presence of Sam and especially Michelle. Sam's attention was on his wife and Deeks so didn't notice his partner's reaction to Deeks' behavior otherwise he would have asked about it immediately.

Michelle returned the smile. "You're welcome."

She turned back to her husband and his partner.

"What is it with your obsession with Deeks' hair?"

"I wouldn't call it an obsession." Callen said and got his head back into the game of teasing each other.

They started walking towards a close by park, bickering animatedly along the way.

Deeks seemed to calm down on the way Callen noted to his immense relief. He still made a mental note to check later.


	11. Chapter 11

_Do you know what I really like when looking at the statistics of this story? All the different countries people reading it come from. I think it's just amazing and wish some of them had the courage to leave a review/message. Anyway, thanks to all those who did._

 _But, enough of those philosophical thoughts for now, let's go on with the story. It's taking up speed…_

 **Chapter 11**

It took both men a while to notice, but then it was suddenly obvious. Deeks positioned himself so that there was always either Sam or Callen between him and Michelle.

"What's the matter, Deeks?" Callen frowned. First his reaction after they met Michelle, now this.

"She's dangerous." Deeks blurted without thought and immediately looked like he regretted his kneejerk reaction.

"She's my wife." Sam said indignantly.

Michelle and Callen turned to stare at him, which had Sam splutter, then Michelle turned to Deeks.

"Yes, I am, but I won't harm or hurt you. As long as you don't give me a reason to do so that is." she amended her first sentence and stared at him with raised eyebrows.

Callen winced after that blunt statement, fearing the worst, but to everyone's but Michelle's amazement Deeks suddenly just laughed and nodded.

"I'll try to behave, then."

"That would be a first." Sam couldn't help the comment. He felt his cell vibrate and could tell by Callen's reaction that his did to. They checked the displays. OPS, calling them in.

"Sorry, Michelle, that wasn't the plan, but we have to leave. Would you mind?"

"No problem, I'll take Deeks home and wait until you come back." Michelle smiled at her husband and his partner, both gauging Deeks reaction to that statement. Their liaison didn't look too happy about the prospect of spending time alone with Michelle, but seemed not overly concerned either. Callen didn't trust what he was seeing though. He would talk to Sam about it on their way to OPS.

Michelle and Deeks watched the agents leave then stood in awkward silence for a moment.

"Would you like to leave right now or walk a bit more in the sun?"

"Walk a bit. Maybe down to that bench?" with a hesitant smile Deeks gestured towards a small pond with a low wall at one end, a bunch of bushes at the other and a bit worn looking benches at each side. The whole place looked a tad untended, but some birds chirped happily in the bushes and it nevertheless was kind of cozy. There weren't that many people around at that time of the day and those who were kept to the more groomed part of the park.

Michelle nodded and slowed her pace to match Deeks', keeping an eye on the surroundings while wondering how he felt about her. If his blurted reaction was anything to go by, not too good, but right now nothing of his distrust was to be seen. The tall man walked with confidence, though there was still a slight limp and his movements showed the hesitation of someone who hurt. At least it was obvious to her that he still hurt. She doubted anyone else would notice more than the limp.

' _So hiding pain is an ingrained habit it seems_.' Michelle thought to herself, wondering if it had started during his days as undercover cop or even earlier in his childhood. There were some parallels in Deeks' behavior to Callen's she mused, though they acted completely different with their extrovert and introvert personalities. But when you knew what to look for, it was obvious. Then she grinned, remembering some stories Sam told which involved Deeks, paper cuts and whining. That wasn't anything like Callen.

She checked their surroundings again, then took out her cell and hit speed dial for Sam, conscious of Deeks' curious look. They hadn't quite reached the pond yet and kept moving.

"What is it, Michelle? You already killed Deeks 'cause he annoyed you and now need help to hide the body?"

"You have to get back, right now." Michelle took Deeks arm, ignored his unwitting flinch at her touch, and tried to move him so she would be between him and the potential threat. Before Sam could ask she continued "We're being followed. I noticed them before you left, but didn't think anything of it. Now that it's just Deeks and I though, they're moving in." Deeks turned out to be quite an unmovable object when he wanted to. Frowning he stopped beside her, the pond at their backs, and followed Michelle's gaze. Michelle wasn't quite sure if it was intentional that he blocked the men's view so they couldn't see her calling someone, but it came handy.

"How many?"

Michelle could hear tires squeal in the background and knew it wouldn't take them long to get back given that they had just left.

"Four as far as I can see. They're packing and closing in. Keep quiet now, I'm putting the cell on speaker." Michelle put the cell back into her pocket without disconnecting, hoping the line would hold and thus allowing Sam and Callen to listen in.

The four men had reached them meanwhile and fanned out, cutting off any easy escape route. Not that escape was a real option given that Deeks couldn't run. None of them pulled a weapon and Michelle just hoped it would stay that way. She could feel Deeks tense at her side and cursed the fact that she hadn't thought to take a gun with her. Well, she had expected a short meeting with Sam, Callen and Deeks in the park, not that she would have to play protection detail for the detective.

"My, my, look who we've got here. I just couldn't believe my eyes when I saw you walking around in broad daylight." the man speaking was quite young and of mixed race, something African, Caucasian and Asian thrown into it. He was good looking, but anger made his face a horrible mask. "Don't act as if you don't know me, Jerome." he spat "You screwed us over and got some of our men killed. My dad's in prison because of you."

Deeks flinched at the accusation and took an involuntary step back.

"I'm sure it was a loss for the world." Michelle scoffed.

"Keep your mouth shut, bitch. What is it, Jerome, have you lost your tongue?"

"I'm sorry, but..."

"Don't you dare to say you're sorry, you piece of shit. I will make you feel sorry, believe me. Maybe you really forgot, but I sure as hell didn't. Kill her, take him. I want to take my time. I had long to wait for my revenge, I will enjoy every second of it. And there will be many seconds."

"Boss, do you really think..." the boss glared his man down, daring him to continue.

One of the guys to Deeks' left pulled his gun, but before he could aim Deeks hit his hand with the cane, making him lose his grip and the gun disappearing in the pond. He reciprocated with a vicious kick.

Deeks took the hit to his leg with a grunt and went down to his knees, letting go of the cane. Muscle memory served him well as he blocked the next attack with a raised arm, but he wouldn't be able to defend himself much longer. He cursed the panic he could feel creeping in on him after hearing what he man had planned. It wouldn't do to have a panic attack right now. He needed to help Michelle, no matter how he felt about her. He just couldn't betray her. He couldn't let her be hurt, be killed, because he was sure it would hurt Sam and the children to no end. The panic got even worse.

Michelle was livid. She took it as personal insult that someone had managed to hurt Deeks on her watch. Fueled by that rage she disposed of the boss with firm prejudice, the look of surprise on the idiot's face quite satisfying. Served him well to think she would be an easy target. Even without a gun she was a force to be reckoned with.

The one who had kicked Deeks realized their error and turned to the greater threat. A mistake that gave Deeks the chance to punch him into the knee bend. The leg buckled and with an encouraging push by Michelle the man hit his head on the low wall partly circling the pond hard enough to knock him out.

A shot rang out and judging by the grunt and sound of a falling body the man in her back had taken a bullet. Michelle didn't turn. She could see Callen out of the corner of her eye lowering his weapon, keeping a keen eye on the goon. She prepared to jump the last man when with a flying tackle Sam joined the fight. Together with the man who had been too close to Michelle and Deeks to risk a shot he crashed into the small pond, the water splashing in a wide arc.

Deeks turned at the noise, the fast movement making him dizzy so he went down from his knees to all fours. Mesmerized he stared at the water sparkling in the sun. The water was too muddy to see what was going on below the churning surface, but it had Deeks transfixed nevertheless.

Callen had just decided to jump in after his partner when Sam emerged with his opponent in a headlock. He may have smacked the guy's head into the wall when they more crawled than walked out of the pond, but who cared?

Ignoring the rivulets of water that run down his body Sam exchanged a short look with Michelle, gave her his back-up weapon and joined Callen, sure in his knowledge that his wife would have everything else under control until LAPD would arrive. His partner knelt in front of Deeks and tried to calm him down. Deeks panted and the vacant eyes were a clear sign that the younger man wasn't with them at the moment.

"What's he saying?" Sam asked concerned. "Need to get him out. Have to hurry." Callen said after listening intensely at Deeks' hectic mumbling.

"Damnit, of all things to remember." Sam cursed. He knew exactly what Deeks meant. Something had triggered Deeks memory again it seemed and neither man was surprised after what had just occurred that Deeks had a flashback to that particular moment in time.

"Deeks, Deeks! Come on man, calm down. It's all right, no one's hurt."

Well, no one but Deeks, Callen amended internally after seeing blood on his thigh. The kick just had to be aimed at his wounded leg, hadn't it?

They could hear sirens in the distance coming closer fast.

* * *

Deeks could see them gathered just outside the room. They weren't aware that he was still awake. The door wasn't closed all the way so he could hear them talking.

"Mr. Hanna, this episode clearly showed that Mr. Deeks isn't safe in Los Angeles. He can't stay as long as he doesn't remember who the bad guys are."

"But that guy..."

"Mr. Callen, stop it. I admit that man was an exception. Mr. Deeks couldn't have recognized him as he was barely out of his teens when his father was arrested and he changed somewhat when growing up. But that unfortunately doesn't change the fact. I know that both of you are willing to protect him, but for how long? Days, weeks, months? We can't afford that, I'm afraid. We have work to do, cases to solve."

Hetty didn't sound happy, but still unwavering in her opinion.

"So unless he gains back his memory we will cart him off?"

"We don't cart him off, we..."

Callen hissed. He had looked back into the room to check on Deeks and his wide eyed stare proved that he had heard every word.

"Deeks." Callen entered the room, closely followed by Sam who had meanwhile changed into dry clothes. Hetty decided to wait outside for now, guessing that her words hadn't made her popular with the detective right now.

"I'm a liability."

"Deeks, don't be stupid, you are..."

"Don't lie to me, Callen. Right now I'm a liability. Unless I remember everything you're stuck with looking after me and that can't go on forever. She's right."

Dejected Deeks turned his back to them, closed his eyes and ignored them.

"Marty." Sam sighed. He then pulled a chair to the bed's side and settled down. As long as Deeks was staying he would be staying. Callen gave him a short nod and went to join Hetty again. Sam could hear them arguing while they walked down the hallway.

Sam tried to talk to Deeks again, but the younger man still ignored him. The agent took out his phone and checked a message from Michelle. It took him by surprise when he suddenly heard Deeks' question and noticed the man's piercing look at him.

"Sam, what happened between you, me and Michelle?"

Sam didn't say anything, but something fluttered over the face of the usually so stoical man that Deeks never wanted to see there again. Never!

"Sorry! I'm sorry, Sam! Forget I asked, it's OK, forget it!"

"Deeks." Sam sounded pained.

"No, no, don't. I changed my mind, I don't wanna hear. I'm tired, I'm gonna sleep now."

With those words Deeks turned and pulled the blanket over his head. Only a bit later Sam heard the change in his breath and saw the way Deeks' body relaxed when at last sleep claimed him.

' _Must be the meds that finally caught up with him_.' Sam thought with some kind of envy. He himself felt like he'd been hit by a ton of bricks. Nate had been right; Sidorov really had taken a toll on him and his endurance. Sam would never have thought that it would make itself known even after all those months. He hadn't been prepared for that question and it took him a while to get his emotions back in control. This would be a long night, but he owned it to Deeks to stay here. After all what happened it was the least he could do, so he settled in to wait and keep guard.


	12. Chapter 12

_Wow, some of the reviews, just, thanks!_

 _They nearly make me afraid of posting this chapter, but here we go:_

 **Chapter 12**

Deeks shivered. With no idea what had woken him this time he clung to the sheet covering his body, his gaze taking in the room. He was alone, but Sam couldn't be far, his jacket still hung over the back of the chair he had occupied most of the night.

The detective had been grateful for the other man's calming presence whenever he woke, gasping and panting due to a nightmare he couldn't quite remember after he started up from his sleep. It took him several minutes just to get his breath back, Sam patiently coaching him through his panic each time.

Deeks didn't know why, but it was worse than the last time he'd been here in the hospital. Despite the unsettling feeling of his amnesia he'd felt quite calm back then, now he was a mess. He didn't want to leave LA, but he knew he would have to, if he couldn't get his memory back. The pressure of that knowledge was immense. Add his current nightmares and glimpses of memories he couldn't quite place, he felt horrible.

It was still dark outside, but somehow Deeks knew that it was early in the morning, close to sunrise. Sweat was rolling down his face and he blinked several times to clear the moisture from his eyes.

' _A dream'_ , he thought. Water, there had been water. A pool. With a figure at the bottom. Deeks frowned in concentration, forcing his sluggish mind back to the dream. He wasn't sure though if it really had been just a dream. It felt so real, as if it had happened at one point or the other. Him diving into the pool and desperately trying to get to the figure at the bottom. He needed to save him. He needed to save – Sam. The figure in the pool had been Sam. And he had gotten him out of the water and then – his body gave a convulsive shudder as his mind shied away from going to that memory.

But now the floodgates were open and a huge wave of memories hit him unsuspected. Next he saw Quinn, raising a gun to shoot him, but… No, not Quinn, it had been Michelle, she had been undercover and … Deeks didn't want to go back there, better to never remember this, but he was stuck, drowning in all the things that suddenly swirled around in his mind.

Deeks was panting now, his gaze desperately looking for something to latch onto, to provide him with an anchor to the present, to this room. Instead his mind provided him with the picture of another woman. A beautiful woman with a tan like light cream coffee. Traynor. Yes, her name was Traynor. Jess. And she – was dead. Killed when her car exploded.

Another woman, another explosion, this time a house. But Kensi had survived when the house around her had blown up, saved by the bad guy who had thrown her into the pool. Why wasn't she here then? She had left him when he thought he was finally safe after all Sidorov had done. She never wanted to, but there had been no other choice that time but to leave him. Just when they had found a kind of balance again, she had left once more. Why? Where was she? He couldn't remember right now, his mind an overflow of images he desperately tried to shut off.

Deeks swung his legs over the bed frame and stood, swaying lightly, his mind trapped in memories. Another street, another car, another explosion. Ray, his friend of old days. He was still alive, wasn't he? Why wasn't he here then? He would come, wouldn't he? Deeks' mind reeled.

Thinking of Ray made him go even further back. His father, a shot gun, him… no no no! Definitely not going there. Never again. That was even worse than… No, not going there either. Deeks stumbled to the door. His leg and ribs didn't hurt, Hallelujah to pain meds, but it still his leg buckled slightly when taking weight.

This was hell, a freaking living hell. He didn't want to remember if all that came back to him were nightmares. He needed to move, to get out. The room was just oppressing, the walls closing in. He needed to end this. Panting heavily Deeks opened the door and shuffled to the elevators. No one saw him entering the car and pressing the button for the top floor with its access to the roof.

* * *

Sam came back only moments later. He had needed a private corner to make some calls to Michelle, OPS and Callen. The latter had informed him that he was stuck in traffic, but would make it in a few minutes and yes, he would bring some decent coffee while he was at it.

The agent carefully opened the door to not wake Deeks. First, Sam thought that his team mate might have gone to the bathroom when he found the bed empty. But there was no noise indicating the detective was in there. Still he checked the shower and even looked under the bed, which was kind of ridiculous, to be on the safe side before leaving the room and gazing around the corridor. He noted the elevator's display which stood on the top floor.

"Damnit the roof." Sam cursed. Without knowing the reason for his urgency he called the elevator and followed Deeks up.

* * *

"Deeks, what are you doing there?" Sam's voice sounded sharper than he had intended, but the sight of the detective standing at the edge of the roof made him edgy, too.

Deeks slowly turned and gave him a puzzled frown. Then a sad smile came and went on his face as he blinked into the sun that just started to rise at the horizon, the wind playing with strands of his hair. "Don't worry, Sam, I have no intention of jumping off the roof." Deeks lowered his gaze. "Although I have to admit that right now it has a certain appeal."

Sam wouldn't have heard the last part but with three long strides he was right beside the detective when he looked back at the skyline again. He pretended not to, though.

"You remember."

"Yeah, I do."

Sam heard a low sad chuckle and watched as Deeks rubbed his face with his hands.

"And god, aren't there things that were better left forgotten?" he continued barely audible. Shivering the blond man turned and sat down on the low ledge surrounding the rooftop. He was only wearing the hospital issued pajama bottoms and a shirt, both sweat soaked. Deeks looked down at his bare feet, cradling himself like he was hurting.

Which he was, Sam had to admit. Not only physically but psychically as well. The larger man shook his head and placed himself right beside Deeks so that his body would shield the younger man from the wind. He smiled, but said nothing, when Deeks instinctively leaned into the warmth Sam's body provided.

"Yeah, some shit you wish never to have happened." Sam said with a low voice. "And remembering all of it all at once. I can't say I envy you right now." The agent put his hand on Deeks knee, squeezed gently and left it there.

Deeks didn't comment, but some of the tension left his body.

Sam took out his phone and called his partner. "Hi Callen, when you finally manage to reach the hospital, why don't you come and join us on the roof? Fetch a blanket on the way."

The agent felt Deeks' gaze on him when he ended the call and gave him an encouraging nod to speak. The younger man nervously licked his lips.

"I just couldn't stay in the room. It felt so constricting. I needed more space, fresh air, sun, just everything." the blond man whispered, blinking into the rising sun.

Sam gave one of his dimpled smiles. "It's OK Deeks. You gave me a little scare though."

"Sorry." Deeks mumbled and straightened his posture not to lean on Sam anymore, tensing. Sam cursed inwardly, but there was nothing he could do about it right now. They waited for his partner in silence.

A few minutes later Callen showed up, took one good look at their liaison, threw the blanket around his shoulders and sat down on his other side. Sandwiched between the two older men and with the blanket around his shoulders some of the cold left Deeks body but the tension was still there.

"You remember everything?" Callen eventually asked.

Deeks shuddered and drawled tiredly "Still waiting for something nice to show up."

Callen winced, but nevertheless continued "The funeral and the accident?"

Deeks shrugged and snuggled deeper into the blanket. "No, that I don't remember." he admitted after a while, his voice sounding flat and listless "My last memory of that day is asking Hetty for the morning off. I got into my car and after that, a huge blank. The next thing I do remember is waking in the hospital with you in a chair reading a Russian newspaper. And even that is kind of blurry. Before I was told what really happened, I thought I crashed the car and wondered how the mother and her child I supposedly saved fit in. Looks like the concussion deleted that memory forever from my hard drive, sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for, Deeks. And there is nothing supposedly about you saving those two." Callen leaned down and grabbed the coffee.

"Here" he passed a cup to Deeks, but when the detective took it, it slipped out of his sweaty shaking fingers. Before anything could happen, Sam had his hand under the cup holding it and Deeks hand from below while Callen's hand kept the cup from tipping over.

For a moment none of them moved. Suddenly Deeks shuddered and gave a long pained sigh. Callen put the coffee back on the floor with one hand, the other resting lightly on the neck of his younger team member.

"Let go, Deeks. It's OK. Just the thought of remembering all the bad things that ever happened to me all at once makes me cringe. We've got you, so let go for once."

Deeks shook his head stubbornly still fighting the tears that threatened to overwhelm him.

"We won't tell Kensi that you were reduced to a blubbering mess, promise. And we won't hold it over you this time. Come on, it's a once in a lifetime deal." Sam chimed in.

Deeks wanted to laugh but all that came out was a sob. He covered his mouth with his hand and hung his head. He didn't want to lose it. If he lost it now he wasn't sure he would be able to put it together again. It had taken him so long to put it together last time. So he sat stiff and silent, wound up like a feather ready to spring at any moment.

It was Sam who finally had enough. Carefully, very carefully as not to startle Deeks he put an arm around the younger man's shoulder, pulling him in until Deeks bowed head rested against his chest. If there was any resistance it stood no chance against the muscular agent who brought his other hand up to caress Deeks' cheek like he would do when his daughter was upset, ignoring the fact that he was dealing with a grown man rather than said daughter. Callen, though not comfortable with the situation at all, left his hand on Deeks neck, gently rubbing up and down with his thumb. Deeks' shoulders shook, but there was no sound. Sam could feel his shirt getting wet though as their liaison shed silent tears.

* * *

Hetty watched from her perch by the door, quite sure that at least Mr. Callen had noticed her though he made no move to acknowledge her presence. Yes, it would do for now. Mr. Deeks still had a long way to go, would need some professional help at some points, but he wouldn't go alone this time. Her senior agents surprised her. She hadn't expected them to comfort their liaison quite this manner, but this was even better. They wouldn't mention this little rooftop episode to anyone and if Mr. Deeks spent the next case more around OPS hassling Ms. Jones and Mr. Beale because he still needed some rest, so be it. No one would bat an eyelash at that.

 **The End**

 _That's it, the last chapter. I can't believe I finally made it._

 _When reading the reviews I realized there could have been additional chapters, but I have to admit: It would have felt drawn out to me. And it would have taken me too long to write those chapters… so, this is the end. The end which I wrote more than a year ago, mind you, I just changed it a bit so it fits better with what I wrote with Bee's help in the meantime._

 _And speaking of Bee: Thanks again for your encouragement, help and patience. Without your support this would never have happened._

 _And also thanks again to all those who left continuing reviews. I'm a lazy person so I won't list all the names (and with some guests I don't even have them). You know who I mean._

 _Well, about 'The End'…_

 _I may have kind of an epilogue, but I'm not sure… What do you think?_


	13. Epilogue

_OK, guilty. With the question about an epilogue I was kind of fishing for compliments and I got them. THANK YOU. There were so many reviews I didn't thank those I could personally this time, so again for everyone: Thank you!_

 _Lucky you, I've already written an epilogue and this time you don't have to wait a whole week for the new (sadly last) chapter. Though I have to admit, strictly speaking it's not really an epilogue…_

 _Well, I made the mistake of watching "Iron Curtain Rising" again to see if it fit even slightly with what I remembered. What a douse in 'reality'! Where's the brotherly love…? As I said at the beginning: This story was meant to take place between "Frozen Lake" and "Iron Curtain Rising" (Yeah, timeline, who cares…?)._

 _So I did what fans to best and went with the saying "Was nicht passt wird passend gemacht."*_

 _Just to be clear, some of the scenes and dialogue are right from the show (Well, the dialogue as I understood it, there may be some mistakes when I misheard.), I just couldn't be bothered to mark it in any kind._

 _So, here's my take on that episode (I don't think it's necessary to have seen it, but it might help if you had)…_

 **Epilogue:**

Deeks watched Sam and Callen leave the mission, feeling brushed off and lost.

Well, Callen obviously thought his little brother didn't need care right now, so business as usual with not letting the annoying little one play with the grownups. It was disappointing, but somewhat expected. Deeks would never betray Callen and tell anyone that he thought of Deeks as his little brother. To be honest, he valued that confession too much and wanted the knowledge of it solely for himself. And while he was being honest, it was Sam's brusque manner that hurt more. He had really hoped their relationship had changed for the better. It had certainly looked so while he was still reeling from his accident and the ensuing amnesia, but right now it felt more like back to square one.

Taking note of his surroundings again Deeks realized Hetty stood right in front of him.

"Mr. Deeks, stop looking like that. You know they aren't allowed to take you. You're not cleared for missions yet."

Deeks thought that the old lady for once wasn't spot on with her assumption of what was going on. He wouldn't tell her that, though. He now remembered why he had felt some resentment and bitterness towards her despite the also obvious trust. Just when Kensi and he had taken a huge step in their relationship and would have needed some time to sort out the repercussions that had followed, Hetty had told him Kensi was indefinitely reassigned. He didn't even know where to.

While Deeks mused about that fact his mouth went like it was on autopilot "Hetty, this is just ridiculous. I'm back at a hundred percent, nothing left to be concerned about. Then there is this little slip of paper missing god knows where and I'm chained to the desk. I'm good, you know that, and no amount of paper would…"

He stopped his whining when he saw her face. It wouldn't do him any good to continue and it wasn't even really his point.

Just that second Nell bounced down the stairs "I've got it, here it is. You're officially cleared for field work again now."

Deeks looked at her in disbelief. Really? She couldn't have announced that some seconds earlier while Callen and Sam were still here? But he wouldn't lie to himself; it wouldn't have changed a thing. Their working relationship was two teams with two partners respectively; he was a third wheel now, not fitting in anywhere yet without Kensi at his side.

Nell gave him an encouraging smile before she went back to OPS.

Hetty pulled a slip of paper out of nowhere and handed it to Deeks who automatically took it.

"What's that?" he asked curiously staring at the numbers written on it.

"That is the mobile number of the woman you saved, Mr. Deeks. You have an appointment tomorrow evening 7 p.m. at the Golden Dragon."

"The Golden Dragon? That's quite a fancy and expensive place, Hetty. I don't want… They don't need… I still don't remember and probably never will…" Deeks was clearly flustered. He had gained his memory back, but the funeral and what happened after were forever lost to him, it seemed. An aftereffect of the concussion the doctors concluded, not overly concerned.

"You, Mr. Deeks," Hetty interrupted his rambling firmly "need to go there and let those people thank their savior as they deem proper. You will do so gladly and politely. It will also have the benefit of them seeing that you are well again and suffered no ill from your heroic action. You may not remember it, but you did something very good and deserve a thank you." With a final nod Hetty left for her office.

Deeks watched her go and wondered not for the first time how she was always able to strong-arm him into situations he didn't want to encounter. He didn't see the need in him being treated like a celebrity, but if the family needed proof of his wellbeing to calm their minds who was he to deny it to them?

Well, time to keep himself busy with something before it was his turn to contribute to the case. Deeks turned on his heels to go and see if he could pry something about Kensi out of the wonder twins. Slim chance at that with Eric and none at all with Nell, but one never knew. And if that brought no success he would talk to Hetty. Maybe Kensi gone was kind of a retribution for what they had done and if Deeks offered to go back to LAPD Kensi could come back to L.A. and to him?

* * *

Sam caved first "Maybe we should've brought Deeks along?

"For what?" Callen sounded uncaring, but he looked curious when they stepped out of the Challenger. He really didn't see a point in Deeks tagging along.

Sam shrugged as they continued their way over the lawn "Hu, I don't know. Clearly the guy's a bit lost without his partner."

"Oh, I get it." Callen smirked "You feel bad for him so you feel like going easy on him." Then he continued with light laughter in his voice "You lost your favorite chew toy."

Sam shook his head and felt bad when remembering his earlier brusque manner. He really needed to get a grip on that if he wanted to convince Deeks that things had changed between them. Yes, Deeks still rubbed him the wrong way some times, but now he knew what lay behind that and therefore should have reacted differently.

He had missed his chance to talk to Deeks after the detective had gotten his memory back. Relieved that he was going to be OK again Sam had left the hospital later that morning not to return. He still wondered why. He had been there the whole time when Deeks had amnesia so why not after? Maybe he felt guilty because he considered 'mission Deeks' a huge failure? For the agent used to never fail at a test it was a low blow to realize how he had misjudged his own team mate for years. So Deeks was a constant reminder of how he wasn't perfect. Was it that? But that was ridiculous. And it still wouldn't explain why he had no such problems with a Deeks without memories. Maybe it was because that Deeks knew nothing of wearing masks? Sam felt leery of people doing so. Still not a satisfying answer. He admitted defeat for now and made a mental note to ask Nate should the opportunity present itself.

Bringing himself back to the present Sam kept all those thoughts to himself and chose an appropriate remark "The guy's been through a lot. And he saved my wife's life."

This was going too far for Callen's taste, feelings, weird terrain, so he started what they did best.

"Once. I saved your live what, a hundred times?"

As expected that got to Sam's competitive side and they went on with that, for now forgetting about Deeks.

* * *

They followed the leads as they came, ignoring their orders and bending some rules as it went and finally, the case was closed.

Without anything else to do Deeks started to feel off-kilter again. He sat down with his notebook, looking at photos of the team, especially the one with him and Kensi embracing each other after a basket ball match. A promise of what could be. Little did he know that Kensi would look at the same photo in her isolation, her heart no lighter than his. Deeks took no note of his surroundings, his mind going bleaker every second, a sad smile on his face.

Callen watched from his perch in the darkness. He had waived Sam's offer to drive him home off and scoffed at Sam's "Do not let me find you sleeping in the gym a fourth time, G."

"You won't find me here tomorrow, as both of us have an unpaid day off, in case you forgot."

"Well, thanks for the reminder. So, what's your plan?"

Instead of answering Callen just looked the way to the bullpen where they could see the light of Deeks' laptop.

"Oh, OK." Sam said in understanding. "Let me know how it went."

Callen nodded and watched his partner go then vanished into the shadows to sneak up on Deeks observing him for some time, not liking what he saw one bit. If Deeks continued this downward spiral he would get hurt. Without Kensi available to nip that possibility in the bud the job was his.

"Come on, Deeks, you third little blind mouse, let's go home!"

Deeks started and stared at Callen wide eyed. "What?"

"I said let's go home. Sam found me sleeping in the gym again, third time this week. Told me I remind him of a cat coming back to its old house though the master moved. I said I'm a creature of habit. And thinking about it, it seems like I acquired a new bad habit: Not being able to sleep alone in my house anymore. So it looks like I need you to come over once in a while so I can sleep there again."

"Is that so?"

"Don't smile like that, it creeps me out. And don't get used to it, I have firm plans to rid myself of that habit again."

Deeks laughed before asking "Blind third mouse? Hetty found out? And what about the fourth mouse, Nell didn't count?"

"What a question, sure Hetty found out. And, well, Nell's Nell, Hetty's special protégée. Who knows what her punishment will be. But judging by the punishment you got, there won't be any."

"Wow, I'm special, too? What's your punishment?"

"Well, you will be quite lonely here tomorrow. And because I won't earn any money either, you will buy us dinner tonight."

Deeks felt bad and Callen saw it clearly.

"Don't sweat it, Deeks. Sam and I knew it might happen. Huh, I have to admit it came as a nasty surprise when it actually did happen. One day won't pose a problem though. Sam will enjoy the additional time with his family and I will find something to occupy myself, too."

"But still, it sucks."

"Yeah, it does. But sucks, that's my cue. What about that woman lawyer? You OK? I saw Sam checking on you after you cuffed her."

"That was probably because of something she said." Deeks hedged.

"What was it?"

"That she only came because she thought it might be the last time she ever saw him. That she might never see him again."

Callen sighed. "Deeks, you will see Kensi again, OK?"

Deeks shrugged and kept silent. There was something in his eyes that Callen didn't want to see there. Maybe that had been the reason his partner hadn't been able to look into Deeks' eyes when checking on him in the marina. It had taken considerable time after Siderov for that look to vanish and that had been with Kensi in town. Callen didn't say anything yet, but turned to leave the bull pen, expecting Deeks to follow.

„I miss her, Callen, I don't think I.."

Suddenly the older man whirled around and slammed Deeks against a wall leaving him breathless. Callen crowded in on Deeks pushing on his chest so the other man couldn't get away easily. Deeks didn't make a move to defend himself, though.

"Don't you dare die on me cause you don't have your head in the game." Callen growled.

"Oh, one might think you care, better watch it unless…" Deeks started one of his usual defense strategies. Callen didn't say anything, but slammed him against the wall again this time leaning his arm against the younger man's throat.

"Don't you dare to get killed cause you don't care." he hissed.

"No?" it sounded like a question so Callen pushed harder.

"Not good enough." Callens' pale blue eyes bore into Deeks' with cold intenseness.

Something happened to Deeks. His slumped posture straightened and he carried himself in a way seldom seen by others. Callen didn't lose his grip though, he just went with it.

"NO." Deeks repeated in a low sure voice, its timbre right like the one Callen remembered from the hospital, his eyes suddenly filled with a kind of cold darkness.

Anyone else might have stepped back, Callen just smiled in satisfaction. He knew very well how much Deeks despised his darker side, but until he got his footing back again with the new situation his little brother would need it once in a while to protect himself.

Callen loosened his grip to pat Deeks' shoulder righting his shirt in the process as if nothing had happened "There it is. Come on, Shaggy, let's go. And as I said, you buy dinner." Callen turned again clearly expecting Deeks to really follow this time.

For a moment Deeks stood motionless his eyes still cold. Then, as if a switch had been turned, he suddenly smiled wide and carefree and went after Callen with a new spring in his step.

"Have I understood you right, you want me to wine and dine you? Callen, I'm sorry, but I'm not that kind of guy. I prefer my dates to be more, well, female. But maybe Juan …?"

Laughing he dodged Callens' slap aimed at the back of his head. "Easy, tiger."

Callen shook his head in mock annoyance and returned Deeks' grin.

Tomorrow might look different again, but tonight - tonight would be all right.

 **The' final' End**

 _That's it. I know some would have liked something different, but to be honest I didn't quite feel up to that challenge. And it's a bit 'darker', still not sure about the mood I was in when I wrote this… I hope you still like it._

 _Till next time, M._

* * *

 _* If it doesn't fit, use a bigger hammer._


End file.
